Welcome to Cringe.

Once I decided to call our newsletter Cringe, I started seeing and hearing it everywhere. On posters, in Instagram carousels, on hats, on podcasts with highbrow intellectuals, on silly meme pages run by highbrow intellectuals, in film reviews, in New Yorker essays. People want to be sincere again, apparently, in the same breath as making fun of it: a sentiment that I am completely on board with as it fits my personal philosophy almost completely.

Like most people, I hate being cringe, but I sorta love the casual cruelty that it invokes. Like being given “the ick”, cringe is a succinct and unexplainable way to cut something down – a communal way to laugh at something together. Some people argue, however, that Cringe Fear (fear of being cringe) is stifling a new generation of artists and writers. AT LEAST, THAT’S WHAT OCEAN VUONG SAYS. He’s pretty cringe, though. Honestly, it’s not their fault that they've unwittingly been born into a world where it’s a lot socially safer to say nothing at all, then risk it all for creative satisfaction, or adoration from your peers, two things nearly impossible to achieve.

Sorry, to get to the point: Cringe is a cringe newsletter for a cringe city, that I also love (which is cringe). All these things can be true at once, obviously. 

 There’s food, and culture, and art, and also in this episode, Simon (we used to work together; he is the former publisher + art director of Metro) pulls together event listings from disparate parts of the internet and unearths some finds from various auctions hawking off the chattels of failed businesses from around the city, a type of digital bargain hunting that I am very onboard with. I personally love looking at auctions, but I never buy anything at auctions. I keep getting outbid at the fortnightly WEBBS, THE ESTATE: a futuristic clock from Tokyo, an Aalto dining chair with a blue padded cushion, a Kartell magazine holder, a large Persian rug. I’ve never won a single thing.

Love,
Jean

“I’ve seen so many tiny martinis on my feed”, my friend texted me after I posted two tiny martinis on my feed. They’re $7 each, by the way, off menu from JUNO in Ponsonby (which recently just started opening late and ticks basically every box on the 2025 wine bar/small plates bingo card). 

On Sunday, I went to ADA’S long lunch, which this month was suckling pig accompanied with sides, including the richest beans I’ve ever consumed in my life (complimentary). I did have to chew on some of the skin a bit too long, like a leathery candy, but at $59pp it does feel like eating especially well at a really expensive British boarding school. I think it’s the nunnery setting?

My parents have been going to Fried Rice House in Mt Roskill, which is a Cantonese restaurant with huge portions and comparatively small prices (Beef Brisket Noodle Soup, $12.80). The other day, I heard one of my friends say their parents favourite Cantonese restaurant is Yu T’ang Fu Grill in Manukau. I wanna go!

You should eat at Khao Gaeng on Dominion Rd, the new restaurant from the same owners as Kiin. You can get a variety of small plates at around $12.90 each, including eggs a couple of my favourite ways (fried, and in an omelette with prawns, if you’ve never had a Thai omelette before then you should right now). As a side note, the new hairdresser I went to (who hails from Chiang Mai) says the best Thai restaurant in Auckland is MAKIIN in Mt Roskill. I’ll be there soon!

You should not eat at The Pantry, the cafe by Park Hyatt, where I almost went off at an innocent front-of-house server, because they wouldn’t let my family use the remains of a $500 gift voucher. We had $150 left after a dinner at Onemata, which we apparently forfeited but was not told about, and I got so riled up that I said I would have ordered at least 12 more oysters if I’d known I couldn’t use the money again. Also, the burger at The Pantry was not good at all. Why was it so flavourless?

I went to the opening of the TYPE HERE AOTEAROA exhibition and got a little sad because they didn’t print out any of the finalist’s posters. Apparently there’s no budget? There were lots of other posters, instead. My friend Oscar wrote the notes for Theo MacDonald’s NEW EXHIBITION ‘THE OSHIMA GANG’ at RM Gallery next week, Wednesday 3 September, which you could go to. You could also go to the SECOND EXHIBTION OF POHEWA PAHEWA AT OBJECTSPACE, opening Friday 5 September, which looks cool. 

I can’t go because I’m going to see Y Tu Mama Tambien at Academy Cinemas as part of their CINEMA OF LONGING PROGRAMME (I love longing, and you can see Her this weekend though I’m not sure how well that’ll hold up in 2025). They’re also doing a Paul Thomas Anderson retrospective soon (will I finally see There Will Be Blood? Probably not). 

I’ve been going to the library religiously the last few months, which I would recommend to every single single person (not a typo, I’m single). The Auckland Library has been a godsend for my 2025 goal of “read lots of things and not actually write” (have been mostly successful on this thus far). I’m currently reading The Safekeep (the winner of the Women’s Prize for Fiction), which I got on “Bestie” loan, meaning you’re meant to read it within two weeks. Though I have taken longer than two weeks. Did you know that Auckland Libraries waived its fees?

I looked into going to one of the shows from New Zealand Fashion Week but figured out pretty quickly this is really only for people in the fashion industry and not generalists (i.e. knows what Kowtow is but doesn’t own anything to bring to their DESIGNER SWAP). I do want one of those SLEEPING PROFIT HOODIES though ($199 on sale). 

JUJUSTSU KAISEN 0
Ellen Melville Centre, Friday 29th
Free
Inflation busting entertainment option courtesy of the Consulate-General of Japan who have chosen to showcase their culture to us in the form of this 2021 Anime about a high schooler who takes over a powerful cursed spirit and as a result is enrolled at a special school. First come first seated - no bookings!

GOING GLOBAL FESTIVAL 2025
Double Whammy, Thursday 28th/Friday 29th
$30 one night/$40 for both
This, honestly, sounds like a dream gig – to accompany the music industry conference of the same name, 24 acts from all over the country and at different stages of their careers playing 20 MINUTE SETS. FULL LINE UP HERE.

CAIRO KNIFE FIGHT X/ SKINNY HOBOS
Double Whammy, Saturday 30th
$46.04
Nick Gaffaney was all over the place playing with Anika Moa, The New Loungehead and others before expatriating to LA in the early 2000s. He’s been back a few times with Cairo Knife Fight, the two-piece band in which he sings and plays drums like a young-but-more-metal Phil Collins, but not for years. Supported by Skinny Hobos – Also a duo!

PROVENANCE III
Ivan Anthony, Saturday 30th
Free 
Group show from the Ivan Anthony stable with some sort of antiquity/old master theming. Opening drinks at 4pm.

ONE DIRECTION 15TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY
Galatos, Saturday 30th
$26
These pop tribute nights at Galatos are always a lot of fun, and this one will be especially great if you go armed with this joke: 
Q. What is six inches long and only goes in one direction?
A. Simon Cowell’s penis.
This will also be the first proper chance for local Directioners to come together and properly mourn Liam Payne. So please approach the event with the reverence it deserves.

SOUL MATES: BEYOND ROMANCE
The Aetherius Society, Sunday 31st
Free 
The Aetherius Society tackles the issue of Soul Mates, modern loneliness and the walls between people with a recorded address by the late Aetherius Society founder, Dr George King.
Note: Aetherius Society ministers will be wearing robes, as will members of the congregation who have been given ‘initiations’.

KEVIN BLOODY WILSON
Bruce Mason Centre, Tuesday 2nd
$66.50/$75.00
Bruce Mason remains a Ground Zero congregation point for the world’s worst touring entertainers. 

SIMON DENNY
Michael Lett 
Free
A new show from New Zealand’s most artistic Tech Bro. Not a lot of clues as to what it’s about but the promo image is quite drony.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT
In Cinemas, from Thursday 4th
It’s Bullet Train but it’s on a plane and Josh Hartnett is Brad Pitt.

THE ROSES
In Cinemas, from Thursday 4th
A second adaptation of Warren Adler’s The War of the Roses. Looks to be trying to capture the magic of the 1989 classic in another well meaning attempt to resurrect Big Screen Comedy — although, that said, the tone looks totally different from the Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner classic as I guess it would have to be with those roles played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Coleman respectively.