Trying to sell tickets to my pop-up

Hello,

I wrote an essay in a new collection coming out soon called Tāmaki Makaurau 2025: Essays on Life in Auckland, edited by Damien Levi. The book launch is next Friday 24 October. Please come! REGISTER YOUR INTEREST HERE (free) so that Damien knows how many people to cater for. From 6pm at Ellen Melville Centre, there will be drinks/food provided + speeches and readings (not by me) + an opp to buy the book. It features contributions from 12 authors, from Emmy Rākete to Perzen Patel to Jeremy Hansen to Helene Wong. Here’s a short excerpt from my essay. 

Trying to sell tickets to my pop-up

I love it when Myers Park is empty. When the only life is pigeons hiding away from the rain in the pine-cone recesses of a phoenix palm’s tree trunk, flapping their tiny grey wings close to my narrow slip of a balcony. There’s the view of the Sky Tower, the bushels of textured green, the collective jut of apartment buildings. It is painfully idyllic for a part of town someone told me they avoid because they’d once kicked over a plastic cup of piss on their way home from a wine bar.

When Auckland is like this, small and contained and snow globe-like, I forget about what else lies beyond it. I forget about my mum, dad and brother living at the end of a cul-de-sac 25 minutes away in Browns Bay, watching The Chase. I forget I get nervous when they visit me in case someone is causing chaos by the benches near the stairs and I have to see their faces take on a pained concern about my safety. I forget about work’s office near Victoria Park, where I react to Slack messages with heart emojis and race down at 12pm to get a free Coke Zero before the lunchtime rush. I forget about Sam’s apartment, a seven-minute walk away from mine, where we dutifully record our passion-project podcast and talk about how we should try to make money from it. I forget about trying to sell tickets to our food pop-up. God, why did I decide to do this pop-up?

A snow globe version of Auckland is an apt description for the way a lot of people experience the city. If you live here, it wouldn’t be uncommon to traverse the same five kilometres and then say, “Auckland is so boring,” and go to sleep. I am somewhat guilty of doing this. I try to get my steps in but barely make it past the Grafton Bridge. I walk up the steep stairs of St. Kevin’s Arcade, praying that I don’t slip on the untextured tiles that are an obscene safety hazard when wet (rumours are these tiles were chosen by my downstairs neighbour, which seems apt). If I’m getting coffee, sometimes I go to Bestie, but if I’m not in the mood to go face-to-face with The Scene and a potential mutual run-in, I’ll head across the street to Scullery and get a flat white from Eddie. Scullery repels The Scene and attracts a lot of solo men and firefighters, plus an older lady with a yappy dog that dances on its hind legs. If I have an urgent need to buy groceries (likely, due to being a single-girl-that-lives-alone), I’ll just go to Lim Chhour, although the produce is always kinda bad and yellow-spotted, and a can of tomatoes that’s $2.80 at Woolies is $4.49 there. It’s the white food tax.

The regulars make me feel some sort of misplaced parental ownership over the area. Goth teens who won’t make eye contact with me (due to coolness). The woman with box-blonde hair and smeared lipstick, cradling a baby doll in a fleecy blanket. The Thai girl at the food court who will throw a smile my way, even on the days I’m not buying a green curry chicken (medium). The pigeons at the food court, who terrorise me and the other patrons. The bouncer outside Public Bar (formerly Wine Cellar) who perches on a stool in a jaunty black cap and nods at me when I traipse up and down the slippery tiles. The Asian barber at W&K Men’s Hairdressers who drives a car with the top down and music on loud. The owners at the arcade restaurants throwing scraps away in the big bins by the park.

I don’t think any of them are coming to my pop-up, though.

Read the rest of the essay in a book you can buy at the launch! And elsewhere later on. It is an expansive group of authors; my personal favourite is the opening essay by Manu Vaea, which is very sincere and lovely. 

An insufferable part of my personality I’ve yet to unleash onto this newsletter is that I really like nice furniture. I went to the MAKERS MARKET on the weekend, a design event held at Good Form, and came away with a dressing table somehow. But I love my new dressing table! Two other things of interest I spotted: incense holders by MATAN FADIDA and this wavy Ernest Race CHAIR.

Two-thirds of Cringe have previously been co-workers and business partners of Henry Oliver, who leaves his job as Metro’s editor this week. We probably had over 5000 deeply pleasurable conversations ping-ponged around between us, about the streets and people of Auckland, what a restaurant really is, the merit of awnings, the quality of canapés in the hospitality area of the orchestra, and, of course, the interior pages and cover of Metro magazine. RIP the magazine store/office combo on K Rd that never eventuated and the Metro squeezy olive oil brand we wanted to kick off after the success of Graza (which also never eventuated).

He’s been in the role since 2019 — an unfathomably long time in modern media — so congratulations Henry — the very best of luck to you in whatever comes next!

A helpful template for eulogising a beloved Auckland restaurant on your Instagram:

Here’s to [insert restaurant name here]. 

Thank you for your service to the eaters of Tāmaki Makaurau. We loved the time we spent here: long dinners, date nights, overdue catch-ups with overseas friends, drop-ins for a quick drink after work. Plus, of course, we won’t ever forget [insert charming quirk, like a slightly problematic artwork, or an above-average playlist]. 

There was something special about the ways everything fitted together here: it had that undeniable unspoken thread – carefully interweaved through the people and the service and the plates and the food and the kitchen – which no one will ever replicate. You’ll have to give us the recipe for [the standout dish that was the main thing people posted on Instagram] because we’re not quite sure what life will be without it. 

Auckland will never be the same; we can’t wait to see what’s next for you. Sorry we didn’t come more often.

For use with any of these recent notable closures: SIDART; Star Cafe Seafood Restaurant (a childhood haunt); Tokki; Candela; Bar Celeste; The Grove; Anise.

OTHER FOOD NEWS

The JUICE BAR in St Kevin’s Arcade seems to be permanently open now from Sunday to Tuesday. Get your vitamins!

Namugroup (Tobi, Dweji) is opening a matcha bar called HONEYMOON AVENUE.

MAMA’S opening on Tuesday October 21st. 

Both Mr T’s and Fort Greene are out of action in the next two weeks AND Ano-ne (nee Mizu) has dramatically cut back their food offering. A worrying depletion of quality baked good production across the city.

POSSIBLE REVENGE STORE OPENING: The TikTok-famous instant ramen spot in Mid City in which you can pay to put hot water (and some toppings) on packet ramen has recently had to suffer the blow of having ANOTHER INSTANT RAMEN SPOT OPEN RIGHT NEXT TO IT, doing the same thing, but about three times the size and five times flashier. 

by Simon

FRIDAY 17TH

ECHO
Artspace, Free
Opening night for the new Artspace group show exploring storytelling and mythology with Erika Holm, Ngaroma Riley, Tarika Sabherwal and a Tarantino-esque hero image of a bunch of sculpted feet with interwoven toes (see above). The show runs till December 20.

STRINGS UNDER THE STARS
Stardome, $40
A string quartet from the Auckland Phil playing a set of vaguely astrally themed pieces including Holst’s Jupiter and Claire de Lune with some buzzy space visuals accompanying on the big dome. Seems like it could be a very nice thing to experience while you are digesting dinner.

GUY WILLIAMS HOSTS THE BIG JAMBOREE
Phoenix Cabaret, From $10
One of the better possible local lineups with Guy Montgomery, Sanjay Patel, Liv McKenzie and Paul Williams.

DEEPER VOL.13
Neck of the Woods, $15
House Music night curated by Katya & Morning Steppa with host MC Rubi Du and with Warren Duncan, J Red and a B2B set with Half Queen and BBYFACEKILLA!

SATURDAY 18TH

THE ARNOTTS GLUTEN FREE FOOD FESTIVAL
Due Drop Events Centre, From $15
If you’ve got a thing for people with coeliacs, you’re not going to find a better place than this to go this weekend.

EMPIRE TURNS 150
Empire Tavern, Free
The blurb says “this legendary spot has been the heartbeat of the city’s nightlife, where the taps never ran dry and the music kept you dancing till dawn,” which is perhaps one of the greatest lies ever told but there is something to be said for this pub surviving after the Herald moved out of the building across the street and took all its alcoholic reporters with it. There will apparently be a tattoo artist on site to ‘ink your memories’ of the place which I implore you in the strongest possible terms to not take advantage of.

CHURCH HALLOWEEN
Neck of the Woods, $30
The first of this year’s big, queer halloween parties going a full two weeks early. DJs from 10pm, a performance by Hugo Grrrl and prizes for best costumes. 

VOOM
Leigh Sawmill, $45
Always good. Support from Tom Lark.

SHREK RAVE
Darby St Station, From $16
Free glow sticks and custom cocktails will be available at this always weird meeting of this always weird subculture. 

SUNDAY 19TH

KIWIS & KIWI FERNS v SAMOA
Mt Smart, From $15
All of a sudden it’s that time of the year to start washing the taste of that Warriors season out of our mouths with the comparatively light enjoyment of International Rugby League.

TUESDAY 21ST

REUBEN PATERSON, THE TREE COLLECTORS
Gow Langsford City, Free
Seems to be a collection of glitter paintings interested in cosmology and celestial navigation and it looks like he might be sticking pearls onto the work as well now which looks quite cool but is an extra big fuck you to the people charged with dusting it.

WEDNESDAY 22ND

THE GREAT MAHJONG SHOWDOWN
Ellen Melville, Free
It is one of my greatest desires to be warmly accepted into, and hang out all the time at a Mahjong club frequented only by chain smoking Chinese grandmothers who only speak enough rudimentary English to let me know how welcome I am. The one time I actually tried to get this happening it was made clear to me that I was not welcome at all but perhaps I can find an in here.

STACK RAT & PRELUDE
RM gallery, Free
Two new shows at RM with literary bents, Stack Rat with work by Bronte Heron, Finn Chadwick and Marilyn Jones, Prelude a solo show by Tess Walker Elliot.

THURSDAY 23RD

KINKY TOPS AND BOTTOMS SPEED DATING
The Broken Lantern, $39
For those trying to find someone to match their freak. Price includes a drink and a snack and there’s a smart casual dress code to which initially I was like ‘what?’ but on reflection is probably a good idea.

GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S FRANKENSTEIN
In cinemas
As you may be able to discern from the title, Guillermo del Toro (who, oddly, hasn’t had anything new out for three years) has remade the Frankenstein story! With Oscar Isaac as the bad Doctor and the hideous Jacob Elordi well cast as his deformed monster. 

TWINLESS
In cinemas
Very well received at this year’s NZIFF – this twisty, very dark comedy is set in a twin bereavement support group where the always-ascendant-but-never-quite-there Dylan O’Brian mourns the loss of his estranged twin and forms a bromance which is very much not what it seems.