Hello,
It’s been two years since I left Metro, and no matter what I do people still seem to associate me with the magazine, which might be reflective of the fact that I’ve either done nothing of note since I quit, or that the brand has a genuinely heady hold on the people of Auckland. It’s probably a combination of both these things, and as such my relationship to the publication is annoyingly complicated; I have a very brat-like mentality to it and get weirdly defensive whenever it comes time to be introduced or provide a bio and, inevitably, Metro gets mentioned.
But the truth is that Metro is a city magazine in a very singular way: an expensive commitment to the idea that there are things worth writing about here and immortalising in colour print. It’s been going for over 40 years, and I know that to be linked to it is no bad thing; in fact, it did and probably always will make me feel closer to the city, and I am, in fact, trying to recreate that exact feeling in the creation of this newsletter, which is not a million miles away from a Metro-esque property.
Just a few days ago, THERE WAS AN ARTICLE IN THE POST about “the changes planned at Metro”, which implied a restructuring that would squeeze out some of the already small number of people that worked there on permanent contract, which is: an editor, a food editor, an art director and a commercial manager. Basically what I’m understanding from this is that Metro as it exists will no longer exist – it will be squeezed down, too, in pages and in content and god knows what else.
Usually when things like this happen we say that other things will rise up to replace it – which is true, of course – but in what reality will we ever get a 278-page quarterly print magazine about Tāmaki Makaurau ever again?
Love,
Jean
EDIBLES
Simon’s got his full fast-food column below all of this if you’re interested in drive-through eating. I don’t have a car so I cannot participate.
The big opening of recent days is of course MOTHER, the bakery/deli/wine bar from the owners of Lilian. Fitted out by CTRL Space, it’s already crawling with food influencers – I’ve seen at least four TikToks about it. I think I would really enjoy a little croissant. HYDERABAD HOTEL, THE SATYA X GARAGE PROJECT POP-UP that had huge success in its Ponsonby/Grey Lynn home a couple years ago, is back again but this time on Karangahape Rd, in the Satya Chai Lounge space. I had a taste of it last night and it was a good time. There’s also a rebranded bar next door! Called… Nebuchadnezzar?
POOR QUALITY PHOTO OF THE FOOD AT HYDERABAD HOTEL
I recently bought tickets to EAT NEW ZEALAND HUI FUNDRASING DINNER, celebrating 10 years of Eat New Zealand. There’s five courses of food by chefs Sam Gasson (Moiety), Will Lyons-Bowman (Lillies & Vita), Max Gordy (Graze), Jess Granada (Nanam), Matua Murupaenga (Tawhiti Wines & Takapuna Surf Club). It’s on 6 October.
A new Sichuan restaurant called TAIER is open on Lorne St, which I think is a popular Chinese chain from Guangzhou. It’s been imported into New Zealand by the same owners that did it with Machi Machi (the bubble tea shop down the road). Last night I talked about how Lorne St/High St is the best place in the central city to eat, which got a few whoos (which I cherish greatly, as I do all forms of validation). I feel more must be made about how vibrant and interesting that strip is feeling right now: the heady smells from the Malatang place on Durham St East (Mad Pot), the also-heady smells from the pork rice place on Lorne St (Master Pig Pork Rice), the trifecta of specialty coffee bars (DOSE on High, Rumours, Receptionist). Kajiken! Cocoa Wilds! Chubby Boy! The best xiaolongbao in the city (at Sue’s Dim Sum!). I also enjoy the Master Asian Eatery sign which is, explicitly, misspelled (“Master Asain Eatery”). The Asian food in Auckland is so popping and I love it so much that one of my friends said she literally couldn’t see me moving to London solely because of how generally shit we found the Asian food to be there.
I also mentioned the new bakery in The Strand Arcade last week, which I found out on TikTok this morning specialises in Thai drinks + salt bread and is called OHMO.
INEDIBLES
I had a very sincere and nice night on Wednesday, talking about Tāmaki Makaurau. It was OPEN and Place Creative’s first Night Mayors event, a community discussion around what’s bugging Aucklanders, what we love about the city, and why the hell we’re still here. It’s designed to be a regular series: a slowly churning and developing network that I assume will eventually branch out into other activations (or, at least, that’s the dream state).
The other people on the panel all had interesting and thoughtful things to say about Auckland (my favourite was Manu talking about the collision of high and low at a ball at Hopetoun Alpha in answer to “When did you realise you loved Tāmaki”), but the thing that stuck with me is how engaged the audience felt – submitting questions and suggestions, speaking up when Charlotte turned the questions onto them (shoutout to everyone who offered a “Best Kept Secret”, the contents of which will remain a secret), and, tbh, even turning up on a Wednesday night.
The only unproductive thing about something like this is that people are either too afraid to go against the dominant opinion, or we all actually think the same, because the whole room “yayed” or “nayed” in harmony when asked to vote on something; perhaps once the event gets into a groove and people start feeling safe, there could be a nay in a room of yays. Either way, I found the whole thing very sweet, and it somehow got me saying “I love Auckland” in a way completely removed from irony, which is frankly amazing.
KITA MEAN
I just went to an event called “Pitch Your Pals” – a last-minute sort of lark in which I decided to go without knowing much about the lore of the whole thing. Held at Wynyard Pavillion and hosted by Kita Mean, it involved people getting up on stage to pitch their single friends with a PowerPoint presentation meant to highlight their virtues. The first two people pitched their EX-PARTNERS (including influencer Simone Anderson, which resulted in a hushed conversation with my friends about that TIME SHE GOT CANCELLED for selling gifts from PR). I have to say I do not think their friends did them much justice, and it made me say, “I think I’ll get back on the apps after this”. My biggest takeaway is that Kita Mean, girl, you were the best thing in that room and I am appalled there wasn’t a single token gay being pitched. The next takeaway is that one of the friends who I went with said, “This is just a little taste of what it’s like to date when you’re between 30 and 45.” Bleak.
NOVELTY ITEMS
This month in fast food.
BDS bad boys McDONALDS are parlaying the recent high of the long awaited McRib return (which was sold out as often as not when I tried to order it) into a fairly weak nostalgia play with McDonaldland Happy Meals. It’s clearly a platform to resurface the old McDonalds character set and to launch the MT McDONALDLAND SHAKE, in which the whipped cream and Pink Raspberry Sprinkles look terrifying.
Via a poorly defined ‘Go Feast Mode’ promo they are also promoting COLOUR CHANGING COKE CUPS which is hard to imagine anyone caring about unless they were desperate to get more microplastics into their diet. If you’re an app user, the pick of the deals right now looks to be a Filet-O-Fish and large fries for $7.50, which is also nothing to write home about.
WHY
New at KFC are KATSU BOWLS in original recipe and zinger flavours, and anyone who has watched them try this sort of thing over the years will already know these should be avoided.
More interestingly they have quietlyish launched the SANDERS SNACK BURGER which elevates their normal snack burger with ‘Colonel’s Special Sauce’ which is quite tasty and worth a try. It’s lean pickings on their deals right now with the Poppin Chicken pack for $11.99 with the code PLU303 but it’s appeal really depends on your interest in the mini Popcorn Chicken. Also of note here: subbing a potato and gravy for a coleslaw now costs 60c which is an unnecessary bummer from the Colonel.
At BURGER KING they are still pushing the LE CHEF burgers in Beef and Chicken varietals which take their standard crispy onion formatting but replace their normal BBQ sauce with a wholegrain mustard mayo. It’s worth a try before it goes and seems more successful in the beef version. They are also pushing a new dessert - the pop-rocky KING FUSION in sherbert and ‘cosmic’ SKUs. Their best code deals this month look to be the B22: a Crispy Chicken, a Creamy Mayo and small fries for $8.30 and the B33: a BBQ Rodeo, 6 nuggets and small fries for $8.50. Their Royal Perks programme looks to have fallen on hard times with just one offer on at the moment, a $4 King Fusion Rocky Road.
PIZZA HUT are pushing a ‘handcrafted sourdough base’ this month which comes in EIGHT FLAVOURS, five of which appear to have half a bag of rocket dumped on them. Chicken Ranch might be the one to try here and seems to be being pushed as the one they have the most confidence in. If you are feeding on a budget, Pizza Hut remains a strong option with 2 CLASSIC PIZZAS for $12 and a bunch of sub-$10 lunch offerings.
If you hate yourself enough to eat DOMINOS they have three indian inspired flavours right now, Tikka Sweet Heat, Paneer Paradise and Tandoori Lava. These will no doubt be awful but they do remind me that the once great PARADISE-ran Pizza place in Sandringham which became a not great Paradise-ran Burger place has changed back to a Paradise-ran Pizza place. Here’s hoping it recaptures the magic of its wonderful late-covid run.
Elsewhere, SUBWAY has brought back the not-missed-at-all Subdogs. WENDYS has the Baconators again, BURGER FUEL has a truffly venison burger called a Wild Heart, and now offers a welcome six flavours of mini-burger. The quickly-expanding POPEYES has a marketing department run amok with a COLLAB WITH CHECKS, and poor old CARL’S JNR which seems to be in a full retreat, is offering a Hot Nashville range on Angus, Chicken and Crisscuts.
TO-DO LIST
FRIDAY 12TH
PAUL KELLY
Town Hall, $99
Perhaps the single most Australian artist you could ever see.
TOUGH GUY SHIT: VOL 1
Big Fan, $15
All ages metal show with HUNTER NZ, Nuclear Blunt (who are genre filed on the poster as Weed Slam! If you’re wondering,I looked it up, and it’s just Slam Death Metal played by stoned people), Cease and Desist and Run It Straight. For the kids!
BROAD SPECTRUM MUSIC VOL. 2
Neck of the Woods, $15
Warning: this event has a ‘flow zone’ for people wishing to express themselves with ‘neon toys’.
SATURDAY 13TH
MARCH THE BRIDGE
Onepoto Domain, Free
Hard not to have a lot of respect for the people that are still out there every weekend marching for Gaza, with this one being the biggest one for a while. Please take note of the new starting location and go along.
SPRING FLOWER SHOW
Western Springs Community Hall, $2
ANNUAL TULIP FESTIVAL
Eden Garden, $14
Spring is springing! IMO Tulips are the best flowers – they’re tidy and they don’t smell weird. Also if you haven’t been, Eden Garden is one of the nicest, strangest places in the city.
ALPHA ATTRACTION WORKSHOP
The Crib, $300
Seems like you pay $300 to go along and have some guy read THIS out to you. Included here so you don’t go by accident.
MEN OF STEEL: NZS ULTIMATE MALE REVIEW SHOW
Phoenix Cabaret, $53.53 – $121.73
If you go for the expensive tickets here, it looks like you get a very busy night sitting up the front, table dances, erotic humiliation on stage and you also get ‘special extras’. If you go for this, ST PATS IN THE CITY has services at 9am, 11am, 4:30pm and 7pm the next day for you to level the weekend out a bit.
SOME OF YOU NEED SOME JESUS
SHAYNE P CARTER (SOLO)
Double Whammy, $29
A solo show from the always grumpy looking Shayne Carter that seems somehow related to Margaret Gordon’s documentary about him, Life in One Chord. Personally I will never forgive him for embarrassing the entire nation when he got snooty with Girls Aloud while interviewing them with Dion Palmer for Pavement. With support from Louisa Nickin (soulful, slightly spooky) and Jim Nothing (jangly, award winning)
THE DOSE
Mothership, $20
House, Techno and the great, Greg Churchill who is still somehow game for this sort of thing after all these years. With Andrew Harley, Azza and Littlewild.
PHOEBE RINGS PLAY ASEURAI
Old Samoan Church (East St), $30
An afternoon and an evening performance from the great Phoebe Rings playing through their debut album Aseurai. All Ages.
MALLRAT
Tuning Fork, $59
Australian ‘Indie Pop Princess’ supported by our own ‘indie pop darling’ Riiki Reid. Press release writers need to try to find some new terms for indie-pop princesses and darlings.
ALLEYWAY #2: WAVESLAVE, AGES POWERFLIP, LASZLO REYNOLDS
Mercury Lane Alleyway, $20
In more Spring Has Sprung news, an outdoor show!
SUNDAY 14TH
STORM V CANTERBURY, AUCKLAND V MANAWATU
Eden Park, $20
Unbelievably, the Auckland NPC team are a shameful 12th in the NPC this year. Thank god for the Storm who are 3 from 4 in the FPC. With the NPC coming to free-to-air TVNZ in the next rights cycle, I would really like to see these games with a koha entry fee - no one wants to see this shit with empty stands and zero crowd noise. Surely the stadiums would be better off with all the extra concessions they’d sell to a bunch of happy people there for free than the twenty payers they have going at the moment.
TUESDAY 16TH
DEAD KENNEDYS
Powerstation, $95
Potentially the most famous of the Reagan-era US punk bands touring with half the original members. Recent live videos make it seem like it’s still a pretty good live show, despite the long absence of Jello Biafra’s amazing voice.
WEDNESDAY 17TH
SKILAA
Whammy, Free
Silver Scroll-nominated, Psych RnB 5 piece Skilaa air out some new songs from a recent writing trip.
SKILAA
THURSDAY 18TH
CARMEN SUITES
Auckland Library, Free
The 2025 Haydn Staples Scholars, William Sun, Dylan Tang and Madeleine Xiao show off their stuff playing solos, duos and a six-hands Kowalewski arrangement from Bizet’s Carmen.
BLISSTER, GROOPCHAT, SCREAM BY TULIPS
Whammy, Free
First gig for grunge/shoegaze, post-hardcore 4 piece, Blisster who, according to the blurb, have been rehearsing for months.