Existential Dread

Hello,

Last night around 12am, a wall of unmistakable noise entered Myers Park: the beating of helicopter blades chopping through the air. It was so loud that I saw people flick on the lights in their apartment and nosey out to the balcony. I lifted my curtains and watched while the helicopter hovered in the dark next to the old Parisian Belt & Ties warehouse, squinting to see if anyone was covertly exiting and entering. I had no idea what it was doing there, but it filled me with ominous dread: I went to the Herald, for some reason expecting to see a correlating developing news story. After about 10 minutes, it flew away, and I’ll never know why it was there. 

It’s easy to read into dark omens, and things kept going wrong after. I woke up to news in my inbox that local lifestyle publication Ensemble Magazine was CLOSING (argh!). I started to feel the edges of sickness, just a little bit too-hot, right after my morning coffee. I swallowed a couple fish bones at lunch. I didn’t win anything after spending $10 at the new claw machine place, Cuddle, on Lorne St. 

Of course, this is somewhat cherry picking, as some other nice things have happened today, as well. I went to the Louise Bourgeois exhibition at Auckland Art Gallery and saw a freaky little red drawing I liked of an alien-like figure trapped in a dome, kinda like Professor Xavier in X-Men trying to find other mutants in Cerebro. And I finally got to try the hotpot place across the road, PotXPress Hotpot Buffet, which is always busy when I walk past. At $29.99, you get to eat as much as you want, which sounds good in theory but isn’t always good in execution imo.

There has been a frankly insane burst of malatang, singular-serve hotpot places in Auckland (Pot Xpress itself recently opened a second branch on Dominion Rd), and they are all sorta the same as each other: you choose a soup base and then dip a variety of seafood, meats, vegetables, tofu, noodles and whatever else you want into the broth. I like the fish balls and tofu skins and squid tentacles the best; the meat is always only OK, the flavour mostly reliant on knowing what you’re doing when it comes to the sauce mixing (and it’s hard to know what you’re doing off the bat as there’s so many options). I get the appeal, though, and why it’s taking over the Chinese restaurant scene: it’s good to feel in control. The master of your own destiny. Plus, the perception of abundance is hard to beat. In this economy?

Love,
Jean

RUMOUR MILL: The old Starkwhite space on Krd is apparently set to be a live music venue with artist studios upstairs. Dreamy if true!

SILVER LINING: The muscle tostada at Tempero was a satisfying three or four bites, with surprisingly plump muscles. Order it!

Karangahape Rd bar THE FROG is open and has cool lampshades made out of white T-shirts I feel confident will be mentioned in every single write-up about them. Simon made a comment about The Frog feeling like a critique of Goblin (frog/goblin, sculptural lampshades/T shirt lampshades) which I think is cute. Bars in dialogue!

Shortly after I sent out Cringe last week with the Auckland restaurant closure eulogy template, I saw on Instagram that Japanese restaurant WAKU WAKU is closing down. Perhaps they were a little too tucked away. Also, Desa Corner seems to have permanently closed (the Malaysian restaurant on the cursed Mercury Lane corner on K Rd). If you want to take over the space, it looks to be ON TRADEME HERE. More K Rd news: there’s an ARTISTS FOR CONGO MINI-FESTIVAL tomorrow, with food on the corner of Pitt St and food stalls and DJs at Whammy.

There are street posters for a new restaurant coming to Fort St, Sienna, which are promising “SO-CAL VIBES”. Good luck achieving that on Fort St.

There’s a new tempura restaurant called Hanano in Albany on Triton Dr. Sorry for the random jump to the North Shore but this is, of course, intel from my mum. Apparently, from the old owners of Songdo (my favourite Korean restaurant on the Shore).

I mentioned last week that Namu Group was opening a matcha place, Honeymoon Ave – it will replace Crack Chicken, WHICH WAS ONLY OPEN FOR 8 MONTHS. Dire times!

Good news – there’s only 2 to 14 months to go until the CRL opens at a yet-to-be-disclosed point in 2026. Attention now shifts to the government’s Roads of National Significance programme, with UPDATES OUT THIS WEEK FROM NZTA. Some have expressed concern that $5.5 billion feels like a lot for Auckland’s mini metro system, but how does $20 billion for a better road to Whangarei sound? It’s amazing what the coalition can find money for when it suits them. Sure, this one project represents 10% of all of NZ’s estimated infrastructure spend – schools, hospitals, defence, the lot – FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS, but it will save a whole 38 minutes on a trip up north, so , yeah, that seems like a decent swap. Who say’s there’s no vision for the country we aspire to be – Mike

FRIDAY 24TH

ARMAGEDDON EXPO
Friday — Monday, Auckland Showgrounds, $10-$75
Normally when Armageddon releases their “big name line up” it lands with much the same aplomb as a Herald blind item about a name-suppressed sex pest. That is, they pump up the culprit being hugely famous but then when the suppression finally lifts, it’s some schmuck you’ll never have heard of. This time, however, in the case of Armageddon, there are some actual hugely famous guests coming – including BUCKET-FOUNTAIN MENACE Elijah Wood, Andy Serkis, John Boyega, Alan Tudyk, Evangeline Lilly and the great Billie Piper who I will be lining up for in order to get my cassette copy of Honey to the B signed for $100.

NZSO — DVOŘÁK & BRAHMS
Town Hall, From $26
The NZSO hasn’t been playing much in Auckland lately, but they are back this week and with Austrian-Iranian soloist Kian Soltani playing the Dvořák Cello Concerto which he is REALLY GOOD AT. They are also playing a piece by Wagner and Brahms’ Symphony No.2. Simon Young (Australia) conducts.

DEBT CLUB, PHOEBE RINGS, SHOOLESS
Whammy, $10
Three bands with not much in common. First ever Auckland show for Wellington’s indie edge band and co-winner of this week’s Cringe Band Name of the Week award, Debt Club.

SATURDAY 25TH

ACES v NORTHERN DISTRICTS
Eden Park Outer Oval, Free
If you’re at a loose end on Saturday and the weather is nice, there’s a lot worse things to do than go sit under the single tree shading the outer oval and watch some local cricket. There’s a kooky little bar under the uncomfortable old stand next to the ground that will sell you drinks and ice creams, and it’s free! If you are one of the growing ranks of the unemployed there’s a game here vs Otago on Thursday too.

TUSEKAH
Big Fan, $26
Durban born, Christchurch based R&B/Neo Soul singer whose voice has a familiar airy quality and it took me ages to work out who it reminded me of and I’m not sure it’s quite right, but to me, it sounds a bit like that of a young Amy Winehouse.

PROPAGANDA HALLOWEEN
Studio, $69
Remember Monday is a public holiday so if things get away from you at the massive, gay, fancy dress party you have an extra day of recovery to sort yourself out. Normally sells out so book ahead.

SUNDAY 26TH

COOTIE CUTIES
Whammy, $15
These local punks are this week’s second co-winner of our Cringe Band Name of the Week award and are here with their 2 Cute 2 Die album release show with support from Warm Leather, Tooms and Matthew Crawley. 

WEDNESDAY 29TH

HEDDA
Prime Video
Nia Da Costa and Tessa Thompson are back together again after 2018’s Little Woods in this adaptation of Henrik Ibsen’s play. Messy.

BEGINNERS ARABIC
Parnell Community Centre, $150 for eight weeks
If you’ve been crushing on someone at the Palestine marches and are looking to make an impression I cannot believe there would be a better way to do it than finding a way to casually speak conversational Arabic to someone in front of them and then, if you have the sauce, throw a wink at them. Sadly it will be a long journey to get there but this is the first step.

THURSDAY 30TH

CIRQUE DE SOLEIL, CORTEO
Till November 9, Spark Arena, From $80
The fancy carnies are back.

HERNAN CATTANEO
Studio, $100
A four hour set from the Argentinian progressive house legend. Support from Ramz V and Vic Lo. Pace yourselves.

BUGONIA
In Cinemas
Emma Stone is still working off whatever debt she owes to Yorgos Lanthimos as here she is being degraded by him again in his new film. This time playing a CEO getting kidnapped and shaved by Jesse Plemmons who is convinced she is an alien sent to destroy Earth. Potentially one of the best films of the year.

BAAHUBALI: THE EPIC
In Cinemas
To celebrate the 10th anniversary of his amazingly high grossing Baahubali films, director S. S. Rajamouli has stitched them together with some deleted scenes to make a four-hour behemoth — one of the longest ever Indian films, and let me tell you, these guys are not known for their sharp editing at the best of times. Hopefully there will be at least one intermission.

- Simon