He sees you when you're sleeping.

Hello,

There is so much going on. But perhaps the thing that has alarmed me the most is Commercial Bay’s “SANTA STUDIO”. The usually-ornate Santa throne has been transformed into a snowball version of the millennial boucle couch; the Christmas tree is shaped by artfully-draped green rags; and Santa is decked out in “a custom designed suit by Kylie Cooke”, which features pants tailored at the exact cut and length you’d normally see on a man in his early-20s at Darling on Drake. It is so bizarre. Mommy, can we go see Santa at the tasteful winter wonderland so you can post the photos on Instagram?

The festive commercial churn is out in full force this weekend, with more markets, sample sales and places-to-buy-things than we can reasonably fit into this newsletter. You should probably just go to the one closest to you. For us, that’s Karangahape Rd’s FAM: FOOD. ART. MARKET, which is taking over Beresford Square and the old Soap Dance Hall (rip). We’d also recommend the market at the GREY LYNN BLOCK OF SHOPS, featuring Penny Sage, Rachel Mills, Florets, Lamplight Books and more. You could also pop down to BRITOMART or pop over to Kingsland for a MONMOUTH GLASS seconds sale (they’re moving back permanently to central Auckland) and the YERAM CERAMICS open studio sale, which is also selling Lot Nineteen’s famous cinnamon rolls. Lots of opportunities to buy something for a performative urbanist secretly in debt.

Love,
Jean

Here, I present to you a gift guide of 30-ish things I personally want. My ethos when it comes to gift giving is to choose something a person wouldn’t normally buy themselves – impractical, not a priority, too frivolous – but are now so glad they own.

CLICK HERE to access the full guide, segmented by price (under $50, $50-100 and $100 and up).

Preview of some items: A BISCUIT BOX from Off On Wednesdays, which are objectively the best in Auckland ($42); a ceramic MATCHA BOWL from Studio Foon ($75), with your favourite local matcha (you could try MARU); a special Christmas selection SAKE SET FROM ZENKURO ($140), which is Aotearoa’s first and only sake brewery. 

There are non-food ideas as well, including book recommendations for categories like “owns a Noguchi lamp” and “someone that listens to podcasts about cults”.

OPENINGS AND CLOSINGS

THE GREY LYNN FIREHOUSE is open, just in time for the summer – billed as a “public bar & ale house”, it might be an ideal option for colleagues who occupy opposite ideas of the ideal after-work drink location (e.g. the pub/wine bar dichotomy). Open 11.30am to late.

There’s a new Korean restaurant in Birkenhead called ROSROS, from the same owners as KOOKOO on Dominion Rd (allegedly, but the naming convention checks out). It does chargrilled chicken and pork from a woodfired grill, fried chicken, and other dishes like a “creamy mushroom congee” and Korean roasted fish. 

The owners of Karangahape Rd restaurant Candela (closed earlier this year, replaced by Benny’s Burger) have gone to Italy, come back, and are now opening an all-day Italian restaurant in Northcote Point. Another Italian place! This one’s called SFERA TRATTORIA and will be a cafe by day.

An empire expands with a new “elevated Korean BBQ experience” in Wairau Valley called 1946 BUTCHERY. This hospo group also owns coffee spots Seoul 1946 Roastery, Bricks and Strolling. Open 11 December.

WISHLIST
Things I want to eat.

Mor Bakery x OOH-FA CROISSANT ICE CREAM
While I was at the beach on Saturday, my friend brought up how delicious the Mor Bakery x OOH-FA croissant ice cream was, which she had tried previously. Maddeningly, she followed that up with the fact you can only eat it if you book the Private Dining Room menu, which of course makes me want to eat it a lot. Scarcity marketing 101. Congratulations. You got me. She’s booked in.

Mochi gelato at ANO-NE
Since ice cream is obviously on my mind, the Symonds St branch of Ano-ne (previously Mizu) is doing matcha and hojicha ice cream covered in a thin layer of mochi. It’s very popular in Australia, and having tried it in Sydney I can confirm it’s a texturally satisfying way to eat gelato (except kinda annoying, as you can’t use a spoon and have to bite it off with your mouth).

Prawn burger at BURGOUT
This is a Tik Tok-sensation item that features a patty made from fresh prawns – yes, I will be wanting to eat that.

Chinese breakfast at LAI FU
I love a non-eggs benedict breakfast, and this Chinese spot on Dom Rd opens at 7.30am and allows you to pick-and-choose a variety of small items like savoury pancakes, soy milk and stir fried dishes.

by Mike

December is the time for Christmas, and Christmas is the time for erecting a panoply of totems to engender ever-more retail spending. Heart of the City, perhaps buoyed by the September quarter’s 1.9% uptick, has gone to great lengths with "ACTIVATIONS" ACROSS THE CENTRAL CITY. These are cleverly advertised over the blacked-out windows of Smith & Caughey’s, to redirect those instinctively drawn to the ghosts of window displays past. Santa can now be found splitting his time between SkyCity and Santa’s Studio (as referred to in the intro), a monochrome temporary structure in the little nook of Te Komititanga Square formed by Commercial Bay and 1 Queen St. Those preferring a “CONTEMPORARY WINTER WONDERLAND" should head downtown, whereas those more inclined towards a tried-and-true “MAGICAL WONDERLAND” should aim for the casino. Note that only one of these Santa lairs will recycle your $30 ticket into a $30 Commercial Bay gift voucher, however.

There’s also the Christmas Pavilion in Aotea Square, something named, very optimistically, a Christmas Wonder Lane in the Viaduct, and a series of five oddly utilitarian “interactive columns" along Queen Street by Angus Muir that are intended, we are told, to celebrate NZ’s unique festive themes. No expense spared then by the business association and its allies. But you have to spend money to make money – and lord knows that’s what Christmas in the city is all about.

Items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

SMEG DOLCE & GABBANA HAND PAINTED REFRIGERATOR 
Current bid $1,101, Closes Monday
You may think, looking at this, that it doesn’t seem like much of a bargain, but the recommended retail price on this one-of-a-kind ugly fridge is $129,000.00 (inc. GST)

HAIER FRENCH DOOR FRIDGE
Current bid $220, Closes tonight
There’s heaps of these bougie new, french door, ice dispensing fridges in this auction so if you’re looking for one loiter around the site tonight and grab the cheapest available.

BEE LOVERS GIFT BASKET
Current bid $55, Closes tonight
Looks like someone has given up on their cottage industry gift store and there’s a bunch of oddity specific gift baskets available including this and others for turtle enthusiasts, fun men, sea shell fans and a lot more. Some of it is pretty hinky but we all have ‘those’ relatives and Christmas is looming.

BREVILLE CHOC & CINO MILK FROTHER
Current bid $30, Closes this morning
I used to have one of these until I accidentally grilled its power cable. It was really good.

BYRON BAY PILATES REFORMER
Current bid $60, Closes Wednesday
Chances are if you succumb to the desire to get one of these it’s just going to sit unused somewhere in your house while you keep going to classes, so you might as well try and get a bargain on it. It feels like there’s a lot of auctions at the moment from wellness-based businesses going under – there’s lots of blenders and dehydrators and juicers in this auction too if you are so inclined.

RAY BAN META GLASSES
Current bid $370, Closes today
These don’t appear to be available in NZ so if you’ve been sitting there, waiting for them to become so — here’s a pair for sale, at the police auction.

LION RED NORTHLAND TANIWHA ANALOG WATCH
Current bid $10, Closes today
Must be the classiest piece of Northland rugby paraphernalia ever made.

By Simon

FRIDAY 5TH

ACES v FIREBIRDS
Eden Park Outer Oval, Free
If you’re getting wound up by the end of year pressure, there’s not much more chilled out than an extremely low stakes, slow paced, free Plunket Shield game, sitting under the tree by the outer oval. Spend a day or go for lunch, watch or nap, no one cares and no one will bother you.

DHURANDHAR
In Cinemas
Fun looking action thriller from Aditya Dhar starring an extremely buff Ranveer Singh. The poster, publicity photos and trailer are all amazing celebrations of cigarette smoking.

#AKL LIFESTYLE II
Double Whammy, $20
‘Transforming Double Whammy into a new space of community intersection’ with 9lives, Lilbubblegum + Letoa, Emperor C, Buddhaboss, Decorcy b2b Lola Rebe, Raynstorm and Goonyears. Also features visuals by Sandy Loam (Cringe’s visual artist name of the week winner) and a clothing pop-up from nineteen99!

AUCKLAND PRIDE LAUNCH PARTY 
East St Hall, Free
A free(!) party featuring DJs left hand loz, blush.mp3, Vercetti and DJ Kaiviti, from 11pm to late.

SATURDAY 6TH

EAST ST BLOCK PARTY
8 East St, Free
A joint Christmas party for galleries Artspace, Tautai, Silo, Michael Lett and Coastal Signs with DJs ajhoneysuckle and IBSxc. Runs from 4-8pm; the galleries will stay open till 6 and there’ll be a pop-up artist’s market.

NADIA REID
Powerstation, $60
Everyone’s favourite ex-Coco’s wait staffer is back for a show! (No shade, Sam Te Kani.)

2025 AUCKLAND SKA FESTIVAL
Double Whammy, $50
We normally wouldn’t encourage this sort of thing, but unfortunately it had to be added with the bill featuring runaway Cringe Band Name of the Week winner, Battleska Gallactica.

SUNDAY 7TH

ORO ŌRĀKEI SOUND WALK
Ōrākei Community Centre, Free
A series of sound installations along the Ōrākei Basin walkway presented by the Audio Foundation. Includes an installation from Rob Thorne, noisy bicycle mods from Alan D Jones, the troublingly named Shall I Be Mother? with roaming noisy tea ladies and more. Goes from 1-5pm

SLEIGH 4 U
Basement, Free
End of year party at the Basement with performances by Lijah Maveaga and Chance of Sun with DJs Adoration and basmami. Starts at 5 and there will be cheap drinks. Warning: the blurb says it will have karaoke and there will likely be a lot of big personalities in the room.

TUESDAY 9TH

UNIVERSITY OF AUCKLAND MEDICAL STUDENTS GRADUATION
Town Hall, Free
There is no greater anti-recessionary action than bagging a doctor – and doctors are never more baggable than they are at this, drowning in debt and yet to take on the swagger that comes with regular, massive paychecks. Dress nice and don’t be subtle.

GENUINE AND STABLE
Till December 14, Aotea Centre, From $20
A play about an immigrant and a New Zealander trying to prove their love to the government. A subject front of mind for all of us closely following the JAY-JAY AND MINOU SAGA. There’s an aftershow talk with writer Uhyoung Choi on the Thursday show for those with questions and I’m sure he’d love to talk about Jay-Jay and Minou too.

THURSDAY 11TH

SOLITE FESTIVAL
And Friday, Big Fan, $20
Looks like it’s indie on Thursday, electronica on Friday and an early start. On Thursday: Evie Bamford at 7:30, Alex Beattie at 8:15 and Tom Lark at 9. 16+

JACK J
Whammy, $50
Australian born, Vancouver based producer/songwriter. Jazzy alt pop with a heavy 1980s accent – dmorrow6883, a YouTube commenter says it sounds a bit like Ice House and I agree.