Issue No33 — Awards Season

Hello,

The first cold mornings of the year are here, and with them, Awards Season. The various gatekeepers of music, media, architecture, books, hospitality and comedy will all have prizegiving in the next few weeks, then the plumbers, scientists, vets, accountants and teachers just after. From August to September, it’s time for the electricians, builders, baristas and medical practitioners, presumably due to a lack of available ballrooms in May. And then, at the end of the year, presumably due to shame: the lawyers, designers, marketers and advertising people (who have a lot of different awards events).

Awards season exposes the nation’s sartorial limitations: men in their old wedding or business suits (if they stretch to suits at all), women in their Hailwood x Temu gowns. Make-up and hair barely stretch beyond the day-to-day norms, and, with our national difficulties in the face of a free bar, things tend to be such a shambles by mid-evening that perhaps it is better that we haven’t over-invested in red carpet friendly glam. I’ve only ever been to a couple of awards ceremonies and I can’t say anything of real interest happened at either of them, although at one I stood next to the great soul singer Paul Ubana Jones at the urinal (terrifyingly endowed).

I have staged awards shows. When I was working at Metro, the guy I was taking over from said that the Restaurant of the Year awards should pay for the whole year of publishing as well as for the awards themselves, which they never did and I’m still not 100% sure what I was doing wrong. When you throw an awards event, you can charge people to enter their work for award consideration, charge people for tickets, charge people for the actual physical awards, charge sponsors as well as getting them to supply the food and drink, and sell advertising on top of it all. It is theoretically a very lucrative business especially if you are celebrating an industry that is doing well, which I guess explains why there’s at least five different awards for supermarket owners and operators. Last year some friends and I ran into a small crowd of award-winning supermarket owners at Queens Rooftop in Commercial Bay after the Roy Morgan Supermarket of the Year Awards and they were horrible.

In the UK, they have an Awards Awards for the Awards Industry which is a business idea I’ve always been jealous of. The potential customers have already brought totally into the concept and sort of have to go along with it or admit that awards are meaningless which they cannot do; they also understand they need to pay for stuff and the professional advancement of winning the big Awards Awards Award must surely be real and meaningful.

If you are nominated for something this autumn, good luck to you! Make an effort to dress up properly and if you lose, remember there is no shame in booing — being a sore loser is one of the last great free pleasures in the world.

Simon

By Jean

NEW OPENINGS

Chow Brothers have opened a new rooftop bar and restaurant on Lorne St, on the 15th floor of the new Radisson Red hotel next to Uncle Man’s. They claim that the restaurant, AKA, is “Australasia’s largest outdoor dining space”. Pan-Asian, ofc.

The everchanging restaurant next to Pizza Hut on Dominion Rd is now Sichuan Boss, serving skewers and hot pot – just in case the other 25 of those in the immediate area weren’t quite enough.

EVENTS

Ponsonby cafe/wine bar Blue is TURNING ONE this Sunday 3 May, and you can party with them from 3pm with pizza and special pours.

The TAKAPUNA FILIPINO FESTIVAL is back for its third year on Saturday. There should be plenty of Adobo.

It’s Dutch King’s Day and there’s AN EVENT at the Ponsonby Cruising Club on Saturday with Dutch snacks - bitterballen, Dutch cheese, haring met uitjes (raw herring with raw onion) as well as kroketten, fricandellen, kaassoufflés, patatjes & poffertjes.

Central city Middle Eastern restaurant Ima is bringing back SHAWARMA SATURDAYS this weekend, now with an added flea market!

There’s a CINCO DE MAYO crossover event at Tacoteca on Tuesday with Elie from Lebanese Grocer dropping in to make tacos arabes while Tacoteca are making charro beans.

NEWS

TASCA, the notoriously average wine bar on Dominion Rd which also happens to have one of the best outdoor dining spaces in the city, has a new chef, Poyraz Ilkmen (ex Tala/Ahi) and is now hopefully much improved. 

Asian fusion bakery Fankery, known for their mochi-filled cheesecakes, is CLOSING, by the looks of things due to a lousy landlord.

Verona on Karangahape Rd is apparently in liquidation (sad!), and The Bridgeman on Dominion Rd has been worryingly shut for a few weeks.

By Mike

Hospitality businesses are not known for their longevity. Auckland’s oldest restaurant still serving, Tony’s Wellesley Street, opened in 1963, but at their peak there were seven(!) Tony’s and now there are two. Cultural trends, changes in fashion and the economic cycle come for them all eventually, and there’s a specific flavour of nostalgia to the “restaurants of yesteryear” pieces that publications can’t help but crank out every so often, as writers and readers lament the vanished favourites of their younger years.

At Cringe we’ve logged 85 hospo openings to 25 closings over the last eight months, so, somewhat counterintuitively, it’s not all doom and gloom. This week’s closure no. 25, K Rd's Verona, is perhaps the most storied venue to shutter since we started. Along with 1992’s other recent-ish casualty, SPQR, it’s guaranteed to feature in future maudlin do-you-remember-when write-ups. They are also linked in going down while owing substantial sums in unremitted GST and PAYE. The IRD is NO LONGER LETTING THINGS RIDE and is now forcing such entities into liquidation, with the potential for prison time for directors. With some $2B outstanding they have little choice: owners may well have a plan to hand it over one day but the country kind of needs it now. It just hits different when the transgressor is an institution that’s felt like part of the landscape over so many years; one recalled fondly from your youth that you’ve assumed will always be – OK, that’s enough of that.

Choice items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

SERGEANT ARMSTRONG
Current bid $150, Closes Monday
Dashing looking mannequin in a 1950s RNZAF uniform. Could use a dust but looks like great company.

LARGE JESUS WALL HANGING
Current bid $10, Closes Monday
Personally I think there should be a limit to how attractive you can make Jesus in any representation. If he’s too hot, like he is here, it obscures the message and makes it seem like getting people to follow him was probably really easy.

CROCODILE DUNDEE METAL SCULPTURE
Current bid $50, Closes Monday.
This is the scariest thing for sale this week.

FRAMED IDENTITY PARADE ARTWORK
Current bid $10, Closes Monday
A perfect gift for a nationalist Ares.

LLADRO GIRL WITH GEESE
Current bid $10, Closes Monday
These china statues were collected with intensity from the 60’s to the early 80s and I feel relatively certain that they are going to make a strong but short comeback as an interior design trend and that whoever goes around and picks them up for $10 a pop at these auctions is going to make a killing.

INDUCTION COOKER
Current bid $50, Closes Monday week
These counter top units are quite good if you want to make TikTok cooking videos.

And yet more KITCHEN THINGS, I’m starting to think the amount of stock they had on hand could have been one of the big problems for that business.

By Simon

FRIDAY 1ST

KINDRED
Silo6, $40
Public Record are doing their Art Fair satellite at Silo Park again this year but at what looks like a much more ambitious scale with artists, designers and musicians all involved in putting on two shows, one in the afternoon, one in the evening. 

FRESH LAUNDRY LAUNCH PARTY
Lim Chhour Food Court, Free
The launch party for a public art installation by Goodspace (think washing machine jukebox), featuring C-Sides aka unreleased music from New Zealand artists. Runs till 31 May, launch party will have Thea Matcha + merch (BYO tee).

REVOLUTIONARY MANIA
Coastal Signs, Free
A new show from Luke Willis Thompson. It was described to me as “an uncommissioned election ad for the Greens” but I wasn’t sure if they were being serious or not. Runs till June 6.

RUFUS KNIGHT ET AL.
Michael Lett, Free
Quite nice to have these two neighboring galleries synced up for their openings at the moment. I’m guessing that interiors architect Rufus Knight is bringing in some sculptural bits and et al. is going to make it all feel a bit conspiratorial. Runs till May 30.

ELLIOT AND VINCENT + EMANUELLE
Whammy, $20
Extremely popular duo Elliot and Vincent are one of Chris Schulz’s Top 5 Live Acts in Auckland on the Cringe Index! Playing with frequent bill-sharers, indie sleaze band, Emanuelle. Karaoke afterparty till late.

AYYBO
Neck of the Woods, $35
Funky touring tech house DJ from California. Support from Valks, Lvst Night and Disco Biscuit.

SATURDAY 2ND

CHINESE ART NOW
Auckland Art Gallery, I’m guessing $30
A big survey show of contemporary Chinese art and I have spent more time than I should have watching a video of Xu Zhen’s Hello sculpture – it looks like a robotic Greek column doing an impression of a sandworm from Dune and that follows you around the room. Runs till August 23.

CHRYSANTHEMUM DISPLAY
Auckland Horticultural Centre, Gold coin entry
Personally I find chrysanthemum's a bit freaky to look at, but for my fellow anxiety sufferers, there’s not many things on earth more soothing than a flower show – even if it does seem like the flowers involved have bad intentions. There’ll be some plants for sale, a demonstration and a raffle.

ERSHA ISLAND
Gus Fisher, Free
It’s the last day of the great painting show Dreaming From Afar at Gus Fisher, and Chinese/NZ folky duo Ersha Island are playing to wrap things up. It’s free but the room isn’t big so you need to register online to hold space for yourself. Tell Us If Something Changes by Rangi White is also closing in the other room and we have been remiss in not mentioning it here as it’s the most darkly comic local show we’ve seen for ages. Go see!

AUCKLAND FC v MELBOURNE CITY
Mt Smart, $45
They’ve been going about their business a bit more quietly this year, but Auckland have gotten into the A-League playoff rounds again - this being an elimination game to get into the semis. I guess however this goes down it’s probably their last A-league home game for the season. 

SOFT BAIT
Goblin, $20
Local post-punk, indie-fuzz Flying Nun band that should be pretty good in the confines of Goblin. Support from Buzz.

APHRODITE
Mothership, $35
Touring UK Elder statesman and the Jungle gig of the week. Support from Coco and Getafix.

BAXTER DURY
The Hollywood, $80
Sort of a slightly younger, more laddish, electro Jarvis Cocker. 

MONDAY 4TH

THUNDERCAT
Powerstation, $120
Ex-Suicidal Tendencies bassist now Prog R&B auteur/multi-collaborator. Touring a new album, Distracted. Support from Black Comet.

THURSDAY 7TH

MIM JENSEN
Whammy, $29
Indie-pop artist whose voice isn’t a million miles from Cyndi Lauper’s, on the first show on the release tour for new EP, The Muse.

JOHN MAUS
Double Whammy, $65
Cringe reader and synth music enthusiast, Dr Stu, who is excited to go to this, describes it as “a guy shouting and banging his head doing karaoke to his own backing tracks”.