Issue No36 — On The Wagon

Kia ora,

I’m not sanctimonious, I’m just parched… As a retired boozer who still spends a bunch of time at bars and venues, there’s a surfeit of non-alc options to be found amid Tāmaki’s nightlife. Yes, I know about the existence of still water, sparkling water, soft drinks, 0% beers, pre-made mocktails, bartender-made mocktails, etc etc.

Being a non-drinker can be surprisingly expensive, but more to the point, and despite the seeming prevalence of options, it all just gets really one-note and boring. Maybe not as boring as being around a bunch of drunk people. I’m kidding… (well, sort of).

So, while it’s been great to see Robbie and Tane bring some hospo vitality to the western end of Karangahape Rd with The Frog – turning the old Rose’s space into a neat little bar towards the end of last year – it’s just as nice of a surprise to discover they quietly make not just one, but two of the very best non-alc drinks in town.

Robbie turned out to be in the same bind as me: sober for five years and finding the non-alc offerings at bars to be, quote, “shit”. Their solution was to come up with a new drink and ‘borrow’ another, each offering a very different option on an evening out.

The Frog briefed some food chemist friends, commissioning The Bush, a custom 0% herbaceous soda served on tap. Nasturtium rubs shoulders with cucumber, coriander seed, Szechuan peppercorn and other garden delights, served in a glass with fresh mint and basil. It’s not trying to mimic the flavour profile of alcohol (which is something I personally just don’t understand as a desirable outcome anyway) but in doing so leaves the door open to a pour of gin or vodka. If the sound of this boozy version appeals, please do report back.

Then there’s Daddy’s Treat. Some drinks just feel enjoyably silly to order – without falling into the gross vortex of ‘quick fucks’ et al – and this is one of them. Credit goes to Wellington artist Ed Bats who, in a phone call with Robbie about having ground coffee at home devolve into an instant coffee habit (I, too, feel this regression), said the magical words, “Have you tried a daddy’s treat?”

At first it felt like a dare, seeing it on The Frog’s blackboard, where I could have sworn it initially had no explanation. Now everyone can see for themselves without taking a plunge into the unknown. It’s Moccona, sugar and cream. Served in a glass Arcoroc-style cup, the pièce de résistance is an oddfellow mint served in a little dish on the side. A treat, indeed (daddy or no).

At opposite ends of the spectrum, they’re now staples of my nights out and help to broaden the options afforded to fellow non-drinkers. Other top contenders: doing shots over the bar with Dorian at Public Bar (mine, apple juice; theirs, tequila) and the welcome and ever-growing footprint of Gaza Cola.

I know I’m never going on the same night-time journey as I used to through a full drinks list, zigging and zagging through whims of taste and waste. And that’s fine.

But The Bush and Daddy’s Treat together show that while bars might only be able to justify a few options tucked away at the bottom of drinks lists, hiding in the less visible/valuable sections of bar fridges, they don’t need to be performative or perfunctory. Just good, please. And, maybe sometimes, a treat.

Steve

Steve Newall is a longtime Karangahape Rd resident who has almost recovered from taking The Weed Eaters on a nationwide cinema tour. He also fights for the future of music venues as a founder of Independent Music Venues Aotearoa, is a regular contributor on 95bFM and is DJing at Goblin tonight!

By Jean

NEW OPENINGS

Coming soon, a ramen bar on Cross St off Karangahape Rd called DEN RAMEN BAR. Based on my keen detective skills (the following list on their Instagram profile), I would guess it has some relation to the Pici team and the Somewhere Someplace pop-up.

We keep forgetting to mention it, but there’s a new country-themed bar in Takapuna called GOLDIE’S. “Where honky-tonk meets desert daydreams”. You can eat burrata and tomato, or a cowboy chicken chopped salad.

NEWS

The Auckland economic collapse moves fast, but Kiin Thai Kitchen MOVES FASTER – they are taking over the recently vacated Bridgman space. It’s going to be really nice to have them in a bigger space, because it was previously near-impossible to get a table.

HUGE NEWS: GRAY’S, the cafe on Dominion Rd across from Cazador that was meant to be a bar, finally has their license pending and in the window – congrats to them for holding on so long. I used to live near these guys and I remember visiting on the first week FOUR YEARS AGO, talking about their sweet wine bar plans. I’d almost lost all hope.

IN MEMORIUM

Harbourside in the downtown Ferry Terminal is closing, no longer ‘COMMERICALLY VIABLE’ and it’s not too hard to see why – their rent must have been wild. 

Gypsy Tea Room in Grey Lynn is also going to close. According to the Herald, it’s because Barfoots bought the building and are going to redevelop it. I have always liked going there ever since one of the bartenders called me‘big man’ one time so hopefully they reset somewhere else (Jean’s note: Simon wrote this).

The Ziggle branch in Henderson is closing down.

ONE SENTENCE
About everywhere I ate when I was up for the writers fest.

Bossi
10 Commerce St
The garlic bread was underbaked; the carbonara was delicious; and the waiter dinged Mike’s wine glass and spilled several drops upon the table and the rim of his plate (ignored).

Chubby Boy
42 High St
The crunchiest siew yoke (roast pork) skin in the most purgatory-esque restaurant in central city (it’s the fluorescent-white lighting).

Bannsang
47 High St
A much-needed pork backbone soup; tasty, convenient, can’t go wrong.

Tempero
352 Karangahape Rd
I personally recommend this place all the time and will continue to do so; my favourite of this visit was the BBQ pork on this white-chocolatey, floral, spicy mole blanco.

Juno
20 Williamson Ave
One sticky date pudding, por favor!!!

Alma
130 Quay St
I felt particularly lush sitting with my glass of chilled red wine and salty bowl of scampi bomba rice in the people-watching seat overlooking Te Komitanga square – on a Monday lunchtime! – and that is the beauty of Britomart.

Udon Works
633 Dominion Rd
I don’t think anyone could dislike Udon Works: clear, seafood-forward broth with satisfyingly thick noodles and fried stuff on the side – what could be better than that?

Dokdo
239 Rosedale Rd, Albany
My second pork backbone soup in a matter of three days, because it is the best, collagen-rich, perilla-spiked, bony, fatty, you’re-eating-meaty-mc-meat-meat dish that money can buy. Am I going to get gout?

Choice items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

META QUEST ELITE STRAP
Current bid $55, Closes Monday
I like to think that you could buy this, log in to the now abandoned Metaverse and there’d be no one there but Zuckerberg and he’d be so happy that you logged in that he’d give you 5 million dollars for your business idea. Could happen!

PHILIPS SONICARE DIAMONDCLEAN 9000
Current bid $185, Closes Monday
This is a $500 tooth brush (RRP).

HEATED FOOT WARMER AND MASSAGER
Current bid $55, Closes Monday
There’s a lot of different self-massage products in this smoke-damaged-store insurance auction, but this is both the funniest and cosiest looking — a massaging foot warmer that you could keep under your desk and is styled to look like one super long, super massive slipper.

TABLETOP DIGITAL DRUM KIT
Current bid $20, Closes Friday
A new entrant for our ongoing series of the most annoying possible things you could have on your desk at work.

RICE COOKER
Current bid $20, Closes Tuesday
Jean says you should have one of these.

Also, the now defunct Good Luck Coconut in the Wynyard Quarter had quite an expensive fit out and it’s all much, much cheaper now HERE. 

By Simon

FRIDAY 22ND

CRYSTAL CHEN
Normanby Fine Wines, Free
Two shows in two weeks for Crystal Chen – this one, another free show as part of the Uptown NZ Music Month series, is at Webb’s flash wine shop at the street end of their car park.

EARL SWEATSHIRT & MIKE
Studio, $100
This must be the best touring hip hop show we’ve had here for a while amongst all the collapsed urban festivals and what not. Looks like it’s almost sold out, so book in now if you want to go!

TEEN JESUS AND THE JEAN TEASERS
Tuning Fork, $60
Fun indie-rock quartet and winner of this issue’s Australian Band Name of the Week award. Support from Ivy.

WORLD GOTH DAY
Ding Dong Lounge, $25
If anyone knows how to throw a fun, care-free party, it’s the goths. Community Treatment Order and Anarchy in Eden are playing live upstairs while DJs Passion Crypt, Gravedigger, Ravebat and Ossuary are downstairs all night from 7. There are Goth Hour Drink Specials from 7-8 and 12-1am – I understand the midnight hour one but it’s not clear what is goth about 7-8pm.

SATURDAY 23RD

AFRICA DAY
Base Spaces, Free
Fifth year at Silo park for the Africa Day event – expect food, music and a market and there are competing after-parties. One is at Neck of the Woods with Zim dance hall, amapiano and afrobeat ($25 cover) and another in the Wynyard Pavillion ($15 cover, and BYO ‘whistle and horn’ – I’m not sure if that’s a euphemism).

YAKITORI R&B
89 Krd, The R&B is free but the Yakitori costs money
A night apparently specifically designed for me personally by the new(ish) operators of the old Ken Yakitori on K Rd. I’m mostly listing this here so I don’t forget about it, but you should feel free to come along if you too are washed but snacky.

DIGGY DUPÉ
Double Whammy, $30
Performing songs from last year’s album, BROWN VELVET with a full band, and also with yet to be named ‘special guests’.

SPARKS
Aotea Centre, From $109
Your favourite art-pop group’s favourite art-pop group here for the very first time on the back of their recent album MAD!, but it looks like the Mael brothers will be playing a lot of material from their extremely extensive back-catalogue too.

SUNDAY 24TH

THE GORDON FAMILY CHRISTMAS POTLUCK
Objectspace, Free
A Pot Luck inspired by the Gordon family from Hoods Landing at Objectspace in this latest imposition on the free-use Gamper show still set up there. Also congrats to Laura Vincent and Āpopo Press on getting international distribution for the book via Pushkin!

TUESDAY 26TH

CASS MCCOMBS
Double Whammy, $75
The Winter season of the Strange Universe gigs starts here with US singer/songwriter Cass McCombs in his first ever show in New Zealand. With support from Holly Arrowsmith.

THURSDAY 28TH

BINGO
Objectspace, $35
Objectspace is fundraising. $35 gets you 3 cards but you can buy more on the night — 5 for $40 or $10 each. There’ll be 10 rounds of bingo plus a raffle and a cash bar. The website says prizes include jewellery by Judy Darragh and Warwick Freeman.

AMBIENT LIFE DRAWING
Goblin, $20
An occasional reminder that on the last Thursday of every month you can go along to Goblin and draw nudes.

THE LOOM
Audio Foundation, $15
The 17th edition of this improvised jazz night features four-piece Maritime Silk Rd and a solo set by Joe Kaptein on piano and synths.

AN EVENING WITH FRAN LEBOWITZ
Aotea Centre, Form $59
To be interviewed by Noelle McCarthy on the night and thank god almighty this event is finally here as I’ve done something to ensure that whatever they are spending on Instagram ads is all being directed at me and it’s made the whole thing just wall-to-wall Lebowitz is Coming for me.