Issue No42 — Tyre Marks

Hello,

Who is inside the Michelin Man? Clicking through a barrage of Instagram stories from the ceremony of stars last night, he was in nearly every photo. Winning chefs shook hands with him first before moving down the line. He was the hottest get for every influencer in town, sporting a dopey grin and enthusiastic thumbs up. His prolificity made me curious about the elasticity of the costume. Was it inflatable and bouncy? Was it squishy and soft? Also of interest was his cushioned sneakers, attached to the costume by the shoe tongue, and complete with a cunty little heel. He must have been walking on clouds all night.

Of course, we don’t really want to know who’s inside the Michelin Man. The fun is in imagining the possibilities. The Michelin Awards themselves are much the same way. I enjoyed making guesses about the lists – predicting the tourist traps that would inevitably make it in; which venues would get two or one stars; what the big upsets would be. However, once I set my eyes upon the actual list, nearly all of that excitement immediately disappeared. Once I knew the truth, it was just another list of names in a world full of lists of names.

I am happy for the restaurants that made it into the Michelin Guide, because it is always nice to be recognised and rewarded for your work, and it would be stupid not to acknowledge the pull of the brand, whatever you think about its necessity in New Zealand. Of course, as someone who lives here, there are many gripes to be had. What is living, if not having gripes! Mostly, I’m gripey about the Bib Gourmand, which claims that eligible restaurants have to offer two-courses and one glass of wine for under a certain amount, determined by the city’s economic conditions. What is our threshold, and judging by some of the restaurants on the list, can it be anything less than $80pp? 

Relatedly, I don’t think it’s a huge surprise that there were zero inclusions in the truly affordable category in the same way you might see in places like Singapore and Hong Kong, but it did mean that one of the great cuisines of our city, Chinese, was completely shut out. There were also, curiously, no Japanese restaurants anywhere. But over seven French-ish restaurants, including, weirdly, Atelier and Origine. I guess people look after their own. 

Love,
Jean

Overheard in the Cringe office: “Boda in the Movenpick Hotel? Great value? You know, I heard they did free ice cream.”

Because it’s so hard to find a clean list of places that have made it in Tāmaki Makaurau, here is one that I made for you:

One-star: Ahi, Paris Butter, Tala, Mudbrick, The Estate

Bib Gourmand: Apero, Atelier, Bianca, Bistro Saine, Boda, Cazador, Gemmayze St, Goat, Milenta, Osteria Uno, Parro, Pasta & Cuore, Tempero

Note: There is an A’mano on this list which is NOT Amano in Auckland but, actually, A’mano in Christchurch.

Selected: 1947 eatery, Ada, Advieh, Alma, Baduzzi, Bar Magda, Bossi, Cassia, East, Esther, Gilt, Hello Beasty, Jervois Steak House, Ki Maha, Kingi, Kol, Lillius, Metita, Morell, Mr Morris, One Tree Grill, Onslow, Origine, Otto, Ragtag, Rodd & Gunn The Lodge, Sails, The French Cafe

Note: There is a Hugo on this list which is NOT Hugo’s Bistro in Auckland but, actually, Hugo in Christchurch.

Some egregious omissions, going by previous awards from local media: Forest, Cocoro, Depot, Culprit, Hugo’s Bistro, Lilian, Pici, The Engine Room

By Jean

NEW OPENINGS

Salad bar Bowler is expanding yet again to another store in TAKAPUNA. The grand opening is this morning and includes free tahini chocolate chip cookies for the first 100 people in on Thursday and Friday.

A new Korean chicken place called Wow! Chicken is opening soon in Victoria St, just down from Mr Taco.

The Two Guys Chicken place in Royal Oak, known for their mozzarella pull cheese sticks, is opening a NEW STALL in Birkenhead (Highbury Mall).

NEWS

Grey Lynn restaurant and Michelin honoree Ada has been sold, ACCORDING TO R/AUCKLANDEATS.

Basement Theatre is trying a new fundraising membership model, BASEMENT MATES, with an $8.50 monthly membership fee getting you $17 show tickets and 15% off drinks at the bar + merch and goss!

EVENTS

Matariki is next week, and there are plenty of restaurants with special menus to celebrate the occasion. Some include: smoked kūmara with horopito cream + porchetta and watercress pizza at OOH-FA (July 10-11) a six-course menu with Karena and Kasey Bird at METITA (9 July); oysters with kawakawa sorbet and hāngi steamed pudding at SO/ AUCKLAND (2-4 July).

SIDE SCOOP is popping up at Pici Wine Bar on Sunday, the last one for a while. I’m told some of the flavours will include pumpkin, dark chocolate sorbet, and possibly one that features focaccia. The actual menu will be out soon.

The high-protein yoghurt pop-up YOGI will be at Maeve Coffee Roasters till tomorrow. Warning: if you’re over 25 you could be the oldest one there. 

Boongs is POPPING UP at Rumours today till 2:30pm. They do a sort of taiyaki-style filled pocket, with red bean, custard, pizza and dubai chocolate flavours.

By The Bottle is doing another one of its great Locals Nights at Mr Zhou’s Dumplings on Thursday with Deep Down Wines. TICKETS HERE.

There’s not much going on in the liquidation auctions this week so we are dropping that section, but that said, the FLYING IN LIQUIDATION IS STARTING HERE with some nice looking limited edition LPs and some turntables if you missed their closing sale last week.

By Mike

The Michelin reveal, while directly boosting only a fortunate sliver of operators, has at least provided some positive PR for our beleaguered hospitality sector. Few operators appear to be more serially beleaguered than Auckland’s Nic Watt, who announced his third liquidation in eight years this week with the CLOSURE OF CĀNTING IN COMMERCIAL BAY. His two previous restaurants, True Food and Yoga (defunct 2018) and Inca Newmarket (2023), ended up owing a combined $3.5M to creditors. Controversially, Watt opened Cānting a year after Inca Newmarket folded, while some Inca staff were still owed wages and holiday pay. While it’s too early to know how much Cānting owes in total and to whom, the liquidators estimate that there’s $216,000 of debt to the IRD. Watt’s two other joints, Masu at SkyCity and Inca Ponsonby (recently sold to a new company where he is also a director), remain in business.

There are signs that Watt is preparing to run the playbook again: the Companies Register lists two entities incorporated over the last nine weeks that he wholly or partially controls which are classified as restaurant operations, suggesting that further ventures might not be far away. Though there is no suggestion of illegality, and businesses must be allowed to fail in order for risk to be undertaken, creditors and the public purse seem to be repeatedly getting the raw end of the deal, while Watt’s entrepreneurial spirit remains indefatigable. Let’s hope whatever he does next succeeds, for everyone’s sake.

By Simon

FRIDAY 3RD

TALL BLACKS v PHILIPPINES
Spark Arena, $30
FIBA World Cup qualifier vs Gilas Pilipinas who are ranked 36th in the world. We are currently ranked 24. If you’re worried that’s going to be a bit nail-bitey for you, we are PLAYING GUAM at the NSEC on Monday and you would have to hope we have their number.

DEAFHAVEN
Powerstation, $85
American black metallers. Support from American shoegazers Nothing and Erase Everything. Afterparty at Whammy with Chlorine, Back To The Hillside, Somniium and Frank DJ. ($10)

DANCE FOR D.I.Y.
East St Hall, $30
Fundraising show for Connor Bowden to pay for the post-production bill on his debut indie feature. DJs Sports Team, Misheard, Sunreturn, Big Haumies and Sarah + Steve.

NYMPHO NANO
Whammy, $15
A bite-sized Nympho, actually running 1-4am on Saturday morning. With Clearcast (US), Musa and the Nympho Djs.

NAGABANDHAM - THE SECRET TREASURE
In Cinemas
Indianana Jones!

SATURDAY 4TH

THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Spark Arena, $109
I read a thing the other day about how people are learning that huge streaming numbers are not necessarily translating to successful tours due to some sort of low emotional resonance so it will be interesting to see how this show goes, given that Sweater Weather is like the third most played song in all of Spotify for all time (and co-written by Cringe’s own fried chicken correspondent, Justyn!), but I have not seen much about them coming?

THE MYSTERIES OF MAGIC
Rose Centre, $30
A proper magic show which, according to the poster, is ‘featuring magicians’. Suitable for all ages.

NOLJA 002
East St Hall, $15
‘An authentic underground Seoul club experience’ with street food by Hazy Tiger and DJs craycray_dj, DANI, KAIYA, FOBS and G7.

MIDWINTER MASSACRE
Whammy, $15
Mid winter metal mayhem with Gravgot, Vox Umbrae, Daedric Seer and Scattered Placenta (who are replacing Decimation Hammer on the bill).

CCTV ALBUM RELEASE
Big Fan, $20
Album release show for CCTV’s Empire!. Support from Community Treatment Order and Castlegarden.

SUNDAY WINTER SERIES 5
Audio Foundation, Free
The Audio Foundation continues to bring the kook with a performance for Brailler and live electronics by KChunkDingGrnk (Karen Plimmer and Paigre Moffat). Jahne Kohlewaller will be there also but just playing a piano. 

JIM E. BROWN
Whammy, $50
Easily the MOST DEPRESSING COMEDY MUSICIAN I have ever seen. 

MARK DE CLIVE-LOWE & MANUAL BUNDY
Kemuri HiFi, $10
Extremely 1990s High St bill with De Clive-Lowe back from Japan for a DJ set with Manny Styles.

TUESDAY 7TH

SILENT BOOK CLUB
Reuben Cafe, Free
If you’re an introvert but still want to go out, this could be the thing for you – one hour of sustained silent reading and then, if you want, you can talk about what you’ve read after, but you can also just leave.

JEREMY LOOPS
Powerstation, $80
TEMU PAUL SIMON

WEDNESDAY 8TH

SIR GREGORY DORAN WITH MICHAEL HURST
UoA Arts Faculty, Free
Ex-director of the Royal Shakespeare company in conversation with Michael Hurst presumably about the perils of being way too into the work of a single playwright. 

THURSDAY 9TH

TE KARANGA-A-HAPE MATARIKI 2026
Karangahape Rd, Free
Mā, Ladi6, WAIWHAI, Halfqueen and more. More on this in next week’s issue!

MATARIKI AT BRITOMART
Takutai Square, Free
Public art, Kapa haka, light shows and free hot chocolates!

AREA 51
Shed 10, $90
Alien-themed Matariki rave with Badger, Benny L, Gardna, Holy Goof, Technimatic and TS7.

ALY AND FILA
Mothership, $60
What better way to celebrate Matariki than a three hour set of Egyptian trance. Support from Ramz V.

MATAFREAKI AFTERPARTY
Double Whammy/Whammy, $10
Comfortable winner of Gig of the Week with: Coco Solid, SPORTWNBBY, Big Fat Raro, Righteus Marcel, Man(k)illa, Mokotron, Takatapunani, Samara Alofa, Gardenia, AJ Honeysuckle and Dylan Biscuit. Door sales only so get in early – doors open 10pm.