Issue No46 — Doing Nothing is Dangerous

Deep below The Civic, everyone sang along with Princess Chelsea, except me.

I mean I was there too, but I didn't know the lyrics. I didn't even know it was a cover or why she chose it. 

But all the Kiwis had these sad knowing smiles. Every heart was shining except mine.

It made me feel the most American of emotions: confused outrage. How dare New Zealand not immediately explain itself to me! What's wrong with you people?

Years ago when I moved from New York to Aotearoa, I felt prepared for every culture shock. After all, the internet has flattened the world. We all scroll the same apps and stream the same shows and consume the same terrible viral dessert trends.

Now I'm finally feeling some surprise slow-motion culture shock: actually, the music scene here is kinda different and weird and I know very little about any of it.

Sure, sometimes a global superstar stops by, like a rare comet I won't live to witness again. For the rest of the year, I can either abstain from live music, or I can sort out my shit and go to local music gigs and events.

This year in Tāmaki, somehow I managed to survive four drummers unleashing simultaneous avalanches in an old cement silo vortex produced by the Audio Foundation.

I fought for a seat at the trendy weekly jazz nights at Goblin and Freida's. (I don't even listen to jazz!)

At the Last Splore, I had to swim out to the bass-heavy dance barge begging to capsize. (I don't even listen to bass!)

And I mourned Neck Of The Woods at its big dance party funeral, and then un-mourned it at the big dance party un-funeral at Double Whammy. (I don't even like funerals!)

I can't believe this city is making me go out and experience things. I never did stuff like this back in New York, where so much happened that we often did nothing.

In Tāmaki, I've learned that doing nothing is dangerous. When something happens, it doesn't always happen again, especially in this economy. You gotta show up even if you don't know the lyrics.

And the next time Princess Chelsea covers "Heavenly Pop Hit" by The Chills in remembrance of Martin Philipps, I will be ready. I will mouth along to every single word and I will fucking cry my fucking eyes out! Just you wait and see!

Robert Yang is both a VIDEO GAME DESIGNER and a hilariously dry (our words) D-TIER INFLUENCER (his words) in Tāmaki Makaurau Auckland.

By Jean

RUMOUR MILL

Following the success of Gilt, the Emmetts are reportedly opening a new restaurant in town. 

EVENTS

If you’re reading this on Thursday morning (30th), then you still have time to pop down to Rumours in the central city and get a creampuff from TORO CREAMPUFF, which looks like an ideal-sized bite to have alongside your coffee. 

Open is turning six and they’re throwing a BIRTHDAY PARTY on Friday night – all day and night with Jony Burgers back from lunchtime till sold out, S’mores over the fire and hot cocktails. Also something called the Wheel of (mis)Fortune which perhaps could be avoided. DJs and Karaoke from 9:30pm.

Butter Baby’s KUEH DAY is back this Saturday 1 August at the Britomart Market (which has lots of other pop-up food options too, btw). The line-up includes kueh salat (or kueh seri muka as I know it), kueh dadar, curry puffs and more.

The MATCHA PROJECT POP UP is now this weekend at the So/ Hotel on Customs St E. (who are doing the most at the moment). The specials include Peanut Matcha, Matchamisu Matcha etc.

A guest food missive from Simon: BONNE MAMAN SWITZERLAND NATIONAL HOLIDAY is being celebrated with a petit dejeuner at Alliance Francais on Saturday. I was telling Mike about this as a place where he could go practice his French and he asked if they were serving cat and it turns out in Switzerland it is legal to kill and eat your pets. Apparently they are traditionally prepared like rabbit, stewed with white wine, garlic, thyme or rosemary. Some people on the internet are saying this is a mean rumour and untrue but the internet also says that if you order a rabbit stew there they will often send the rabbit’s foot out beside the bowl to prove it isn’t cat, which if you ask me, is incriminating. $7 entry.

NEWS

Daphnes has now CLOSED. Rumours about Jo and Tash from Alma taking over the space persist. Not sure if those rumours originated from our newsletter but, nonetheless, they persist.

According to REDDIT, the final brick in the Bodega empire (alongside Rosalia’s), Parade Burger has now also sold.

Despite much news coverage about trying to find a buyer, Burger Burger has TIPPED INTO LIQUIDATION.

Food Grades may BE ENDING and with them, the annual Herald beat-up stories about places that failed to pass.

By Mike

Cheap, fast, or good – at most, it’s said, you can have any two. It’s safe to assume that, in this economy, any infrastructure project of sufficient size will definitely not be cheap and will almost certainly take longer than planned, so decent quality is about the most that can reasonably be hoped for. Many of those who have had early access to our new train stations have commented on their surprisingly high standard of polish, so that’s some recompense for the CRL’s cost & timeline blowout. Very rarely, however, a major project will be delivered more or less as foreseen, so credit where it is due and warm Cringe congratulations to those responsible for that other massive subterranean endeavour, Watercare's 16.2km-long, $1.66B Central Interceptor wastewater tunnel. Now fully operational after seven years of patient burrowing, it has, for the first time in 110 years, stopped sewage from discharging into the harbour near Meola Creek after recent heavy rain.

Not everything underground is coming up roses, however. Dismay this week for the residents of cliffside St Mary’s Bay, where a not insubstantial sinkhole has opened up on Hackett St. The hole has previous, first appearing after the Anniversary weekend floods in 2023. Predictably, well-off opponents of building more homes where people want to live have SEIZED UPON THE DISRUPTION as evidence that intensification in such a venerable inner suburb is too fraught with risk. The reality is that much of the local infrastructure is overdue for renewal in any case. Once that investment has been made, it’s an ideal location to add density and further benefit from the upgrades’ cost. No doubt they’ll get right onto that, just after the estimated two months of works to fix the sinkhole are wrapped up.

Choice items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

6 WHITE PANTON CHAIRS
Current bid $70, Closes tonight
6 Verner Panton chairs in the rough matte finish from the Unique Fabrics liquidation - assuming authenticity, at this price you could use them as permanent outdoor furniture without any guilt. Lots of semi-kooky fabrics being liquidated over here too if you have interest.

HUNDREDS OF DVD AND BLUERAY MOVIES
Current bid $35, Closes Monday
They are 21 auctions deep into the JB Hifi insurance claim and it seems like they are starting to lose patience with the whole enterprise. This looks like it might be a bunch of unsold lots of movies from the past few weeks bundled up and going cheap. There’s also Switch/Switch 2 and XBox games in this sale and headphones for everyone.

1000 BOTTLES OF BALSAMIC VINEGAR
Current bid $10, Closes Monday
The Good Vibes Food Company has gone under and that is sad for them but potentially a once in a lifetime chance for you to have generational balsamic vinegar wealth with neither you, nor your children nor perhaps even your children’s children ever needing to buy balsamic vinegar again. Also in this sale, the most chilling auction lot name we’ve seen this year - CONTENTS OF THE ROOM LOCATED UPSTAIRS - no matter how empty your own room located upstairs is, I would think twice before getting involved in this obvious horror movie set up.

BOUNCY CASTLE
Current bid $20, Closes Friday 14th
Never be sad again. Comes with its own air blower.

By Simon

THURSDAY 30TH

ERICA VAN ZON
Melanie Roger, Free
Fun, Zissou-esque embroidery show of sealife called Various Aquaria. The documentation is up online already and I particularly like My Hand Swimming At The Reef 2024.

NAMI 2ND BIRTHDAY
Nami Record Bar, Free
Big bill of DJs for Nami’s birthday party - Lyall, Dylan Biscuit, Chistoph El Truento, PEACEBYLOVE + FEELEXCITED, Half Queen, Music First Djs and Chapters + Aunty El. They have food and drink sponsors listed but it’s not clear if there are related food and drink specials or if they are just going to be there.

CHE ARTHUR, SWALLOW THE RAT, SILVERSUN PICKUPS (DJ SET)
Whammy Public Bar, $15
Midwestern underground legend Che Arthur (Pink Avalanche, Atomicbombpocketknife) here playing solo. Swallow the Rat are trying out new material and a new bass player and Silversun Pickups (who are here to play the Powerstation on Friday) are scheduled to do a DJ set here as well!

PARADOX PRINCESS, TAKATAPUNANI, GRECCO ROMANK + KATE BUTCH
Whammy, $20
Alt-electronic all-star show AND the first Grecco Romank show for a while AND they are on both Lucy McRae and Chris Cudby’s Top 5 Live Bands lists on the Cringe Index! Go see them! 

FRIDAY 31ST

MARY CHRISTMAS MR LAWRENCE
Ellen Melville, Free
The Japanese embassy is back doing free movies at Ellen Melville again, encouraging greater cross cultural understanding with this 1980s David Bowie POW movie. Co-stars a very young Beat Takeshi.

FANCY NEW BAND
Tuning Fork, $20
bFM’s annual new band showcase is back! This year: Crook, Evie Bamford, The Bright Ideas and Top Shelf. Door sales only.

MAURO PICOTTO
Darby St Station, $25
Italian trance DJ and producer who has been active since the mid eighties famous since the 90s in trance circles for his most famous tracks called, and this is real, Lizard, Iguana and Komodo. If you want to see the man but not the music, it seems pretty likely that you’ll be able to catch him in the zoo’s reptile enclosure checking out the Tuataras while he is here.

THE LARPENING
Neck of the Woods, $10
A LARP themed night at the reborn NoTW - featuring Sleepy j~, Lu*Two, KHEARTSZN, Bob Stevenson and Jaytee Slaya. Costumes enthusiastically encouraged but perhaps you could leave your sword at home.

SATURDAY 1ST

ZINEFEST
And Sunday, Auckland Art Gallery, Free
I went to this last year and leafed through a zine called Sports Illustrator by Imogen Temm and I’ve been thinking about it ever since and I wish I had brought a copy.

JOHN PULE
Gow Langsford, Free
Looks like a bunch of big new, brightly coloured, botanically inclined works in Pule’s new show the first incision I saw I dreamed no more. Given the job the Gow Langsford sales machine did on the recent Claudia Kogachi show, no excuse for bad catering at the opening, which runs from 2-4pm.

BETH TORRANCE
Whammy, $20
Release show for the new and catchy, 90s feeling, fuzz-pop EP, Your Favourite with her band The Garden Party. Support from Fleē Miller and a DJ set from elle.

LUC VITK & JOSHUA TAYLOR
Audio Foundation, Koha
Interesting looking art-noise show with cello, accordion, reed organ and Indian harmonium. 4pm start.

6SENSE
Neck of the Woods, $35
Naarm hardgroove techno duo who seem to be on a pretty good run at the moment. Support from Traction Lizard, Zozo B2B Milliondollarbibi and Eclipse.

TUESDAY 4TH

CHANGE THE TUNE LAUNCH
Neck of the Woods, Free
Launch show for a union-based campaign to grow voter enrolment and change the government. DJ Kaiviti from 7pm, then a political chat, then, once you’ve had your vegetables, Dick Move, SPDRTWNBBY and Hun Lynch play after.

WEDNESDAY 5TH

UPSIDE DOWN LOUNGE
Goblin, Free
This week with the Joe Kaptein Quartet! Two sets from 8pm.