Issue No47 — Kaan kite āno

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships this year, perhaps spurred on by a spicy gay ice hockey show that reawakened in me the possibility of romance. While my half-hearted swipes at dating predictably ended in hijinks aplenty, that romantic framing transferred recently, in my mind, to our city – a complicated situationship if ever I’ve had one.

All of this is a roundabout way of saying I’m consciously uncoupling from Tāmaki Makaurau – at least for a moment. I just need some space. The changing of a relationship status comes with nostalgia for the good times. For me, the highlight reel is centered around all the people, places and events that make this city a beautiful place to live. 

And so, an exhaustive but incomplete list of things I love and will miss about Tāmaki Makaurau. The way Rangitoto rises up from the Waitamatā as I zoom down the Grafton cycleway on a Lime scooter, the humidity of an Auckland summer, the Palusami pie from Blue Rose, cheese scones from Chur Bae on a Saturday morning, Pukana cam at the Warriors half-time, a queer rave at Neck of the Woods, enjoying the warmth and bitchiness of our creative communities while gallery hopping along KRd, flowing from one queer community to the next during Auckland Pride, seeing a new Silo show that helps us reflect on our own Tāmaki stories, the feast at Cazador, the festivals that make the city centre hum with life (shout out to the upcoming Mushroom Festival on Karangahape), spotting The Civic’s shooting star at Whānau Marama, Dirty Martinis at Open Late, The Frog, Pici or No.7, nude sunbathing at Ladies Bay, gingerloaf at Coffee Pen,  the surprisingly raucous openings at Objectspace, dinner at Ponsonby Foodcourt, running into friends every ten steps down Karangahape Rd.   

Ending a relationship gives you a bittersweet clarity on the potential you’re walking away from. These highlights, I think, helped me with that. The diverse communities of Tāmaki Makaurau make it so special. They produce pūrākau, art, food, kōrero, people, LIFE that can be found nowhere else in the world. This isthmus is at its strongest when it stands confident in its unique identity: a tasty mix of unapologetic indigeneity and hunger for global connection, gloss and grit, mischief and morbidness, humour and horror, shit and skuxx. Tāmaki deserves to thrive – and it can if it believes in itself. 

While I’m leaving our relationship for now, I plan to return. Because I love it here. I will always love it. 

Take care, Tāmaki Makaurau. I’m excited for what we’ll both become in each other's absence.

KAAN HIINI is a design director and strategist from Tāmaki Makaurau Auckland. He is moving to New York City on a Fulbright Fellowship, completing a Master of Transdisciplinary Design at the New School.

By Jean

RUMOUR MILL

Apparently the new restaurant from the Emetts we rumoured the other week is going to be in the new Faradays department store on Queen St which is currently scheduled to be open in September.

NEW OPENINGS

In the midst of this winter drought, there are some signs of life, even if most of them haven’t fully blossomed yet. One that has blossomed (i.e. opened) is THE BANKER, a new cafe in East Tamaki which is yet another outfit from the Runo hospitality group, also responsible for Honey Springs, Pikuniku and The Breakfast Club. There is a certain aesthetic vibe that unites those cafes, although The Banker is a little less colourful and a little more Art Deco-inspired.

OTHER SIGNS OF LIFE… the team behind the Lebanese Grocer are opening a brand-new restaurant in Ponsonby Central called YOLA; Selera is opening a specialist HAINANESE CHICKEN SHOP in their now-closed Khyber Pass spot, which I am hoping and praying on my knees to be good; Aunt Anne’s pretzels (the global chain) are spotted opening soon in Westfield Newmarket, where Amore Gelato used to be.

EVENTS

The next BEAR GELATO collaboration is with Famous Eddy, and it will be churning roasted sweetcorn ice cream with a parmesan crumb. Sweetcorn ice cream is delicious, so I would be heading along to get a cone if I were you.

Star Group hospitality is TRYING TO KILL YOU with Bottomless Bites “endless food experiences” all month. Bottomless Oysters for $60 at Moretons in St Helliers could be an excellent deal if you approach it with the right, can-do attitude.

I feel like WINETOPIA would be an amazing second date for the right type of couple, because all you do is walk around in this cavernous warehouse and drink wine, with plenty of opportunity to impress your date with superior wine knowledge – or at least swirl the glass with convincing authority, thereby successfully fooling them anyway.

Karangahape Rd’s AUCKLAND MUSHROOM FESTIVAL starts soon (more on this next week). From Wednesday you can order a variety of mushroomy dishes from selected eateries – my pick is the Truffle Tamal from Tempero.

There’s a POP UP MARKET at Maeve on Saturday and Sunday with $4 batch brews alongside the clothes and crafty stuff.

By Mike

It seems that each election is hyped as being of greater than average consequence, which doesn’t really make sense, but this one ought to be. In three months’ time, one of two streaks will be broken: National has never yet failed to win a second term; but no NZ government has ever been re-elected when both house prices and wages, adjusted for inflation, are falling. This may go some way to explaining the statement this week from Helen White, Labour MP for Mt Albert, in support of local house prices coming down to increase affordability, a refreshingly rare take for an orthodox party politician. Perhaps then it was more of a defensive manoeuvre, given White’s negligible margin of 18 votes in 2023 and the novel challenge she faces of being up against Opportunity’s Qiulae Wong and their proposed land tax.

With both Luxon and Peters in some distress and Hipkins preternaturally quiet, Wong and Opportunity are in the ascendancy, providing the media with a compelling will-they-won’t-they narrative and policies that, while ostensibly centrist, feel designed to appeal more to the younger left than the older right. With the latest Roy Morgan poll putting them on 8% and Mt Albert in play, there’s a decent chance that they get over the line. One reason they may not, however, is the worryingly low enrolment rate of voters aged 18–24, with just 54% of those eligible on the books as of 31 July. The uptake will most certainly not be helped by the current government’s disingenuous and antidemocratic decision to end enrolment during the advance voting period up to and including election day. An average of almost 275,000 people did so in the last three elections, disproportionately composed of Māori, Pasifika and young people, i.e. those less likely – surprise! – to vote for the incumbents. With the cut-off date for enrolment moved forward to 25 October, and with only until midnight tonight to choose between the Māori and general rolls, it's likely many more will be affected this year. So IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HASN’T YET ENROLLED, PLEASE DO – given history is on the line, now is not the time to be caught off guard.

Choice items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

5 ROLLS OF ELTON JOHN TOUR POSTERS
Current bid $20, Closes this morning 
Some great mementos of the time he came here in 2020, went out for lunch with a bunch of NZ friends, then couldn’t finish his show that night because he was really sick with something no one had ever heard of called ‘walking pneumonia’ and then a week later the country had Covid 19. 

HUNDREDS OF CERAMIC FOXES
Current bid $25, Closes tomorrow
If, like me, you are one of the now 5.6% of people unemployed in this great nation, and you are considering cat burglary as a career, leaving one of these behind at each of your crime scenes could be a cool thing to do. There’s hundreds of them in this auction so you could do it for years and it would probably get you a cool nickname that the police and reporters would call you like ‘The Winter Fox’ or ‘The Porcelain Pilferer’. 

TRAVIS SCOTT JORDAN 1 LOW
Current bid $110, Closes today
The buy of the week for any hypebeasts out there. Size 12. Visual evidence indicates they are unworn. Warning: it’s the police auction so these may have a shady past.

THE REMAINS OF THE JB HIFI INSURANCE CLAIM
Current bids from $10, Closes Monday
This really is becoming the Kitchen Things liquidation sale of Q3 2026. It’s sale number 22 and we’re now in the collectables part of the store so lots of POP! Dolls, collectables, Hello Kitty nightlights, puzzles and various other bits and pieces in bulk lots and priced to move! Potentially an amazing opportunity to bulk buy Christmas gifts early and for a song, if you know the right kind of people to give them to.

By Simon

THURSDAY 6TH

MUCKAROUND COMEDY
Crushes, $25
Just a note for fans of this regular celebration of extroversion – it seems it has moved from Whammy to the Crushes Basement. This month’s featured guest: Abby Howells!

FIRST THURSDAYS
Karangahape rd, Free
First Thursdays is back on Krd, with late night shopping, the opening of THREE artist run spaces in the Ironbank and empty shopfronts along the strip, meal deals and a vogue ball inside the new station courtesy of the Kiki House of IMAN.

SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT
And Friday/Saturday, Various, Free
If you like your literature gay and your tickets free, this mini-festival is for you. Features an opening event at the Grey Lynn Community Centre on Thursday night hosted by Chye-Ling Huang and a Queer Food event on Friday with beloved Cringe collaborator, Sam Low, at Ellen Melville.

FRIDAY 7TH

SILENT BOOK CLUB
Free, Auckland Library
Just a note for fans of this regular celebration of introversion – it seems like it has moved from Reuben Cafe to the Central Library.

CLINTON WATKINS
Starkwhite, Free
Feels like this is going to be a bit of an assault on the senses as Watkins tries to make the gallery as unpleasant as possible. Maybe stay away if you have severe photosensitivity. Show runs till September 19 and our commiserations to any gallery assistants working over that period.

MENZIES ALBUM RELEASE
Whammy, $20
Release show for the Wellington alt-rock band’s excellently and very romantically titled Holding My Cold Hand, Even Though Yours Is Warm. Support from The EE Machine and Salt Water Criminals.

ISLA NOON PRESENTS OUT OF BODY (REDUX)
Big Fan, $15
Release party for the excellent new release Out Of Body (Redux) which is Out Of Body but recorded again with a different producer, Cringe’s Wing Reviewer, Justyn! Support from Crystal.

WASHWERLD 3
Whammy, $25
Big EDM night at Whammy with Burna from Australia and DJ Snakelegs B2B Caru, Cow Tools, CC:ME B2B Lerm, 2CHE B2B Basspunk, JHL, Monoga.my B2B intersekt and a Kandicor3 takeover. Starts at 10 and feels like it will go quite late.

HALFQUEEN NEEDS YOU
Neck of the Woods, I can’t tell how much this is? Maybe koha?
Everyone’s favourite DJ is playing an all-night marathon set to raise funds to attend The Tresor Academy of Subcultural Understanding (a real thing) in Berlin. Go! I feel like she’d do it for you.

SATURDAY 8TH

MILLI JANNIDES BOOK LAUNCH
Coastal Signs, Free
Launch event for The tip of the tongue, a book of and on Jannides’ work with text by Victoria Wynne-Jones and Toyah Webb and photography by Harry Culy, Sam Hartnett, Alex North and Victor Staaf. Coffee and light refreshments will be there also.

3 NEW SHOWS AT TE TUHI
Te Tuhi, Free
Opening event for a full gallery refresh with: Dalosa, Lafo & Iva, a group show by Lolani Dalosa, Ma’alo Lafo and Axel Iva, Whao by Kāhu Kaan and Pallavi Paul’s To Be In Someone Else’s Prayer. Opening is 2-3:30pm, Shows run till early October and while they are up there’s also going to be a Spoor Books pop-up, with books from South Asia, Africa and the Arab world.

CHELSEA FC WOMEN v AUCKLAND FC WOMEN
Eden Park, From $39
Off-season clash between Women’s Super League champs, Chelsea FC and an Auckland FC Invitational XI (the permanent AFC Women’s team is scheduled to debut 27/28). Kickoff 4pm.

CHURCH PRESENTS CHAPTER 5
Neck of the Woods, $40
Fifth anniversary of the popular queer-positive community clubnight. With Nickalee, Merchie, KLA, Leetifah, a collaboration with artist Māia Keane and a performance by Kiki Kisses.

SUNDAY 9TH

PIKIPIKI
Q Theatre, from $10
Our intro writer from a couple of weeks ago, Geneva AM is putting on this kid-friendly return to her album Pikipiki with string players and a light show.

WEDNESDAY 12TH

AMBER ESAU WITH TAYI TIBBLE
Central Library, Free
Poets chatting about Esau’s new collection Hungus. 6:30pm start and you’ll need to reserve a spot via the link. There is no mention of refreshments but it only goes for an hour so you’ll be ok.

SHEKU AND ELGAR
Town Hall, From $76
The main show is sold out but the APO is doing another one of their 6:30pm mini-concerts to handle the overflow. Excellent English Cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason (who played at the Prince Harry and Megan Markle wedding!) is here for the Elgar Cello Concerto and the orchestra with play Sibelius No.5 after. Elena Schwarz conducts.