Issue No58 — The Leaning Towers of Auckland

Something I’ve learned over time: if I’m slipping into an anxious spiral, I can flatten it on the way down by getting it out and telling people what’s going on with me. I’ll tell anyone – it doesn’t really matter if I know them well, or even not at all and it’s helped every single time and not once has anyone been weird about it.

That said, people are always keen to offer their own tips on how to deal with it, either from personal experience or a TikTok they saw one time. Some of these have been pretty helpful (various combinations of medicine and exercise; circular breathing is good; someone once told me to tap the middle of my collarbone which, for some reason, is also good). What is sometimes suggested, I assume by people who lurk the lukewarmest corners of the internet and has never once been helpful in their lives, is simply to “look up”.

Look up. The problem with generalised anxiety is that it is nebulous – a general feeling you cannot put your finger on. However, upon taking this advice in times of desperation, I have become worried about something very specific: I think some of our buildings are not straight. 

I first noticed it when looking down Albert St from Aotea Square. Let me tell you something: the space between the SkyCity Hotel and the Crown Plaza is definitely uneven, and while I am assured it is not so and that this is merely a trick of the angles of the buildings, it is exactly the same from the harbour side (that is, not straight), and if I had to bet I would tell you that I think the SkyCity building is leaning towards the street. It is leaning.

And that is not the only instance of our buildings’ crooked natures. When all the wrap came off the large Precinct building on Lorne St a couple of months ago, it was OBVIOUSLY tilting towards Queen St – you can see it from both the Lorne St and Kitchener St sides. Engineers swear to me that it can’t be so, but they are so obviously scrambling to protect the reputation of their own, apparently inept, profession and expecting us to not believe what we can easily observe with our own two eyes.

I have also heard repeatedly that the builders of the now abandoned Seascape Tower drilled their foundations too deep into the reclaimed seabed, and not only is that on a lean as a result, but it also tipped the prison-from-the-future-looking Auckland Harbour Suites building on Gore St over a little as well.

Is anyone else seeing this? Are they going to keep leaning more until they fall over? At what point does someone intervene, or is it going to be like the escalators in the Council Building and the Canterbury Arcade, where once they are busted we just put a fence around them and wait for some magical future Aucklander to show up and sort it all out?

This has helped, thanks.

– Simon

By Jean

NEW OPENINGS

Pt Chev is now home to a new bistro, WILKO’S, officially opening tomorrow, which they are calling a supper house for reasons unknown, except that it sounds British and they are British also. The menu has several variations of bread and potatoes, alongside pizzettes (small pizzas I assume) and plates of bavette and fish. 

Mt Eden Village restaurant Pasta & Cuore have opened a new outlet, L’ANGOLO, in that outdoor food court at 269 Parnell Rd, where they’re running a shortened menu of pasta and other snacky bites.

A new izakaya on Dominion Rd has just opened (where Col’s Cobble Shoppe was, RIP, the man stretched my knee-high boots for my big calves and I’ll think of him fondly). The grand opening is tomorrow. It’s called TORIDORI and they’re serving the usual suspects, including quite a lush-looking sashimi platter.

Remmers’ own KNEAD ON BENSON has moved into the old The Store site in Britomart.

Also, we missed this (sorry), but the slightly cursed space behind Acho’s reopened last month as an Irish bar called BALLYCRAIC. Good luck!

COMING SOON

EIGHT RIEW, a Thai place going into the old Mexicali site in Mt Eden; and TEMPO, the Japanese restaurant going into the new polo-shirt-lads-and-golfing-simulator bar, The Wyndham Club, opening next month.

EVENTS + NEWS

Avondale’s Baby G Burger is now doing BREAKFAST ON SUNDAYS from 10am (breakfast sandwiches and iced coffees).

The OTAHUHU FOOD FESTIVAL is this Saturday. Free admission!

It’s CARETAKER’S 10TH BIRTHDAY this week and they’ve got stuff going on – namely, 10 days of live music, with the big party on Sunday 25 October from 6pm, with Daybus Jazz Orchestra and more.

For anyone interested in the fate of the old Joy Bong space on K Rd, we are hearing it's been leased and it’s going to be a non-spicy massage parlour and an exotic pet vet specialising in LIZARDS.

And, lastly, best of luck to Woo Hyung Lee who is moving on from Holiday – you were great! Thanks! We’ll follow you to whatever’s next.

By Mike

A city’s reputation is hard to shift. Stereotypes once bedded in can be near immune to the facts on the ground changing. Everyone knows that New York is dangerous, rent is cheap in Berlin and the food isn’t great in London, or rather that’s what we keep hearing, despite recent evidence. Perceptions of Auckland may not have quite reached this level of globally received wisdom but it’s fascinating to hear outsiders’ views nonetheless. A recent article in Monocle, the UK & Switzerland-based organ of the urban cognoscenti, suggests that the City of Sails has been “LONG DISMISSED AS A CULTURAL WASTELAND”, before going on to explore how our new train stations might have a shot at turning things around. Granted Tāmaki may not yet be in the very first echelon of worldwide cultural hotspots, but let’s hope this trope is fast becoming an outmoded take rather than one that lingers on.

In other cases, just because it’s a cliché doesn’t mean it’s not true. Parisians may not in fact be rude, but they won’t stand for perceived injustice, and young people especially, but certainly not exclusively, will freely take to the streets to protest and strike. The scenes of unrest this week show another side to a romanticised ideal that is so culturally ingrained, some Japanese tourists suffer depressive “Paris syndrome” when the city’s reality fails to live up to their impossible expectations. While the police violence and subsequent looting is inexcusable, the people turning out there have forced change on more than one occasion. It’s said that once 3.5% of a country’s population is protesting peacefully their demands become politically irresistible. Admittedly it’s not something we’re known for, but how much of a wasteland of opportunity and hope for the future do we need to be reduced to before we see 200,000 of us out on our streets, making our case for change?

Choice items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.
By Simon

A 19.5LT KEG OF ESPRESSO MARTINI
Current bid $40, Closes Wednesday
Best Before 28/11. Make good choices. This auction also has a bunch of Peroni and Asahi kegs as well as a pretty good selection of wine and champagne. Worth a look if you are one of the city’s few remaining drinkers.

FLYING OUT CONTINUES
Closes Wednesday
More new records collected together in mismatched pairs and trios alongside some bulk lots of second-hand vinyl and some tapes!

RICK AND MORTY BONG SET
Current bid $40, Closes this morning
If you missed out on last week’s water pipes, possibly due to being too chilled out, here’s another shot at some clean gear.

TABLE AND CHAIRS
Current bid $10, Closes Thursday
I feel like the marble surface on this table could get a bit annoying but otherwise this is a pretty nice small-dining-room solution, currently at an also-amazing price (if it holds).

By Simon

THURSDAY 22ND

NIGHT MAYORS
Basement, $15
Charlotte Ryan and her live-action late night talk show returns with special guests Ana Chaya Scotney, Graham Tipene and one of Auckland’s most charismatic instagram presences, Pride’s Blaise Clotworthy. After the talk there’s a walk up to the Myers Park underpass to look at Graham Tipene’s work with Grayson Goffe. All proceeds to The Basement!

DER TIEFENGLANZ: DEEP GLOSS
Arts House Trust, Free
It looks like a survey show of art-jeweller Karl Fritsch and art-photographer Gavin Hipkins' collaborative work over the past decade plus — including Die Ausgrabung, an installation from Otago in 2014. Runs till January 17.

FRIDAY 23RD

ARMAGEDDON
Until Monday, Auckland Showgrounds, From $30
Special guests this year include Highlander Christopher Lambert (also star of the amazing Knight Moves), no one's favourite Superman Brandon Routh, Tom Lenk and Felicia Day from Buffy and Vasquez from Aliens! It also looks like Buck from Kiwibank will be there for all the bestiality enthusiasts online and also: the E-Blacks (!) taking on India in an eFootball and Tekken showcase, a Theme Songs concert at St Stephens and there’s an anime cosplay rave at Face Club on the Saturday night with prizes for best costume! Editor’s note: Simon is missing the biggest drawcard of the festival, Jared Padalecki, who plays Sam Winchester in Supernatural. I can only assume it is a generational thing. What is Highlander?

SHIRAZ SADIKEEN
Treadler, Free
Current No.1 in Cringe’s Top 5 Auckland Art Names and also has a comfortable Top 5 position in our Best Looking Artists leaderboard. The show is called The Spoils and its on till 21 November and your guess is as good as mine as to what’s going to be in it.

PHIL DADSON AT 80
And Saturday, Audio Foundation, $25
The nation’s longest tenured and most decorated sound artist is 80 and is putting on four shows to celebrate — Friday and Saturday, this weekend and next — with different musicians in each show. From Scratch is next Friday but these will be good too! Amazing that he still can and still wants to do this.

DOUGFEST VS KRD
And Saturday, Double Whammy, $50 for both nights
The 4th – and newly expanded – edition of this two-day punk/emo/hardcore/metal fest with six bands playing each night. Haast Hunter and Coast Arcade sort of headlining each night respectively. Hosted by Thief n Zard.

CHRISTOPH EL TRUENTO
Whammy, $25
Album release show for the great Christoph El Truento’s Musical Power: Rub-A-Dub Special with support from Julien Dyne, Leon Aoki, Dylan Biscuit and guests. LPs, 45s and merch for sale on the night.

REB FOUNTAIN
Powerstation, $60
Touring her new album Water for Gasoline. Support from Mads Harrop.

NECK LEVEL
Neck of the Woods, $25 (Free for members)
This looks like one of the results of the recent hui to create a more sustainable model – a show of their own promotion, free to members ($10 per month) and a big line up! Nima Astria, Mapmaker, Okty b2b Ben-G, Emmy J and Late June in the main room and Odeious, Saint G, Fourtune, DJ Jacob Ryan, REDDY4ABASS, MoDre, Levi, WHIMC and Halfie in the Green Room!

SATURDAY 24TH

BULB AND PERENNIAL SOCIETY
Auckland Horticultural Centre, Free
There should be some early peonies at this!

BATTLEZONE
Town Hall, $30
DANCE BATTLE! With Swagganauts, IDCO, Bindico, The Collective, Crew24 and more but also THE BATTLEZONE CHAMPIONSHIP GAUNTLET where 20 dancers battle in what reads like a Royal Rumble type format and every time I see something like this I feel the need to say that they should still be making Step Up movies like Fast and the Furious.

FOBS X PRIOR
512 Pitt St, $40
Party at Prior with DJs John Bulay, Amon Tyson, Randy Sjafrie, Fobs and Julian Dennison! Ticket includes food, drinks and kava.

SUNDAY 18TH

Note: Monday is a holiday so all of this is ok.

DARTZ
Double Whammy, $40
Wellington’s finest punks, back and previewing songs from their new album. Support from Buzz and Park Flyers.

MANA UP
The Hollywood, $25
Loooooong event from Bass Rongoā and FILTH with whaanau time from 2-6pm in the courtyard with koha entry and food, alcohol free. Then at 6pm onwards the kids have to go home and the bar and lighting (courtesy of Cat Ellis) comes on. With: Bass Rongoā DJs, Cristoph El Truento, Ilish, Kaiviti b2b BBYFACEKILLA and Mbila. Looks like voting enrolment people will be around if you haven’t gotten sussed yet, Sunday is your last chance!

TUESDAY 27TH

THE HORROR OF MACBETH
Till the 31st, Basement, Koha
Halloweeny retelling of The Scottish Play, a tight 75 minutes leaning into all the witchy and bloodsheddy bits with Laika Rountree directing and playing Lady Macbeth, plus Jessica Bennet as Macbeth.

WEDNESDAY 28TH

CALL CENTRE
Whammy, $20
Instrumental garage/electronic quartet from Wellington touring two new singles: A New Landspeed Record and Mending Steam Engines. Support from Hospital Sports and BJ Leo

FANG LAUNCH PARTY
No.7, Free
Cringe’s favourite fashion zine is BACK with a Spring issue. Pick up an issue for $20 and there’s music from Deeva. Fancy dress encouraged.