Mass Hysteria

Hello, 

I think that the ARNOLD CIRCUS STOOL is a lesson in mass psychosis. For those uninitiated, the Circus Stool is one of the few household objects that has become synonymous with a certain type of urban Auckland dweller. This is an undeniable fact. They pop up everywhere, in people’s living spaces where you least expect it, and never as an actual stool to sit on. You might run into one in the bathroom, perhaps, plopped to the right of the sink, its one job to performatively display a singular incense holder.

Unfortunately, I am one of the deluded. For some reason I own one and think it looks nice, even though I don’t know if I actually think it looks nice. Its ubiquity in aspirational places, over and over and over – the Instagram photos with beautiful mottled sunlight – made me associate it with taste, even though one could argue that blindly following trends is, actually, the opposite of taste. Regardless, I am now a victim of this collective delusion. In fact, my Circus Stool was one of the few pieces of furniture I brought down with me to Wellington in order to help me acclimatise to a new city. I thought the Circus Stool would remind me the most of home.

Coincidentally, the stool’s designer, Martino Gamper, is hosting a talk at Ponsonby’s Objectspace this Saturday (sold out, sadly) in tandem with a NEW EXHIBITION OF WORKS, timber chairs and tables which encourage people to dwell, meet or play. The exhibition opens tonight! Alongside new works from Kerry Ann Lee and Chevron Hassett. And, in fact, you can actually book the gallery for free and use the aforementioned tables and chairs for your own meeting, family gathering, or theatre rehearsal of some sort. I feel like it would be nice to book it for a nice chill hang out with your best friend – subversion of the gallery space, etc. etc. Reclaim the gallery! Other ideas: a chess tournament (which would look extremely cool with all those gnarled chairs); to organise a protest; to break up with your boyfriend; a family intervention for someone who has an online shopping addiction; a flower pressing workshop. 

Also, if you’re going to the talk and thinking about asking Martino Gamper about the Circus Stool, I probably wouldn’t. For some reason, I feel as if Gamper would be annoyed if you asked him about the Circus Stool. I don’t know for sure, it’s just a feeling that I get. 

Love,
Jean

By Jean

NEW OPENINGS 

We wrote in the Rumour Mill weeks ago that HARDCORE at 510 Karangahape Rd was due to open soon and, this Friday night 27 March, it finally is. It is still extremely unclear to me whether or not it has its liquor license and will be opening as a bar or a cafe – but, regardless, celebrate with them from 5pm (with drinks) if you’re in town!

There’s a new kitchen takeover at Bare Wine in Ponsonby, where Kane from Somewhere Someplace is cooking as ELSEWHERE from Wednesday to Saturday. The food seems ferementy and Japanese-y.

Filipino restaurant HAPUNAN has opened a new spot in central city at 2A Anzac Ave. You’d previously had to go all the way to Huapai (!) to eat the adobo del diablo and prawn siomai, so this is probably a lot easier for most of us.

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EVENTS 

EVERYBODY EATS, the pay-as-you-feel dining concept, is back in Te Komititanga Square this Saturday 28 March. You have to get a ticket, which is free, and then can choose to pay for their meal at the end. A reminder also that Everybody Eats has permanent spots in Glen Innes and Onehunga!

Southeast Asia, where all my favourite food comes from, is on show at the SOUTH EAST ASIA FESTIVAL this Saturday, with “HUNDREDS of food and drink options from all across Southeast Asia.” For those of us geographically challenged, let me remind you of some possible cuisines: Thai, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino, and, of course, Malaysian.

If you are a nosey person (who isn’t), then you might be interested to know that the founder of Namu Group (Candy Shop, Dweji, Honeymoon Ave), David Lee, HAS RESIGNED. This follows the liquidation of Gemmi and Gochu, which we mentioned last week. It looks like Albert Cho is off the company register now as well.

Central city restaurant in Vulcan Lane, LE CHEF, has now closed. Unfortunately it never really seemed to find its feet under the new ownership.

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NON-EDIBLES

MAKERS MARKET is back for a second edition this weekend at Goodform on Newton Rd with 20 or so indie/emerging artists, furniture, textile and fashion designers showing their stuff - including Cringe favourite, Hanna Shim!

There’s a POCKET MARKET on at the Pah Homestead from 9am this Sunday. Over 40 stalls of artists, makers and food, usually a very good selection!

by Mike

Metservice is warning that our now traditional end-of-summer deluge is likely arriving this week, so it’s an auspicious time for Council to be making their decision on Takapuna Golf Course’s future as a much-needed flood mitigation wetland. Collectively, we the people own 535 hectares leased by 13 golf courses, a combined area 20% larger than the CBD and worth some $3 billion. Some might say that sitting on $5,500 of golf course land per Auckland household is not the best use of public assets in difficult times. On the other hand, some people really are quite fond of playing golf.

The need to trade some golf for fewer floods was reluctantly accepted by Takapuna course management last year, after Council voted in July to carve off half of the land for a stormwater lake. The course recently FLOATED A PLAN to retain 12 holes rather than the proposed nine, with renders showing an intriguing walkway snaking over the water that links up to a (currently non-existent) pedestrian bridge to Smales Farm and its busway station – just the thing that you’d think would appeal to those public-transport-loving do-gooders at the council. Unfortunately, this visionary approach was developed outside of the consultation process and is unlikely to sway the result, with an official commenting rather bluntly, “The decision is not based on a proposal from Takapuna Golf Course.” Nice try in any case, and to be fair it is bad luck that one of only two courses open to the public has to take a hit. The larger question is what could and should be done with the other 11, which continue to provide a full 18 holes to their private members on publicly-owned land.

By Simon

Items from the liquidation sales of Auckland’s two-speed recovery.

FINE WINES
Closes Tomorrow
There’s a bunch of alcohol for sale in this auction and our favourite sommelier Simon Benoit of Cazador/San Ray has gone through and picked out the following highlight for you:

4x DOG POINT SAUVIGNON BLANC 2022
Current bid $15 

4x MAHI MARLBOROUGH CHARDONNAY 2024
Current bid $30

4x STORMWOOD WAIHEKE MERITAGE 2022
Current bid $60

6x AMISFIELD PINOT NOIR 2022/23
Current bid $100

5x AMISFIELD FUMÉ SAUVIGNON BLANC 2023
Current bid $40

2X PET FOUNTAINS
Closes today, Current bid $60
Apparently the still water you are leaving out for your pet is potentially making it sick, and these will also make a nice trickling water sound which is nice. If you don’t like that sort of thing the box says you can turn them off for ‘quieter operation’ which probably didn’t need to be stated in such a large font right on the front.

HIBACHI GRILL
Closes today, Current bid $40
I used to have one of these after they were all the rage on Australian Masterchef and I cooked the tastiest Sizzlers I’ve ever had in my life with it and then it got left outside and it turns out it wasn’t a ‘get left outside’ sort of product and it died. I still think about it often.

EUFY SECURITY KIT
Closes Today, Current bid $650
Everyone who is lucky enough to have been through one of these before will know that we are reaching the part of the energy crisis where you need to start thinking about midnight fuel siphoning gangs draining your car. This collection of cameras and sensors strategically placed around and on your car every night should be enough to ward them off.

SUPERBUD FLOWERING SUPPLEMENT
Closes today, Current bid $15
This is meant to restrict vertical growth and increase bloom density of your plants which is great but it is mainly listed here so you can see the totally insane packaging design which honestly defies any rational explanation.

By Simon

FRIDAY 27TH

WARRIORS v TIGERS
Mt Smart, From $20
Last home game for a few weeks for the currently very mighty Warriors.

ALL WHITES v FINLAND
Eden Park, From $18
Last home games for the All Whites before they leave for the extremely problematic World Cup in the USA. Chile play Cape Verde in the curtain raiser and then the All Whites play Chile and Finland take on the full might of Cape Verde in another double header back here on the 31st.

PLANET NEW TRON STAR
Audio Foundation, $25
A ‘sci fi song saga of trans dimensional alien life forms’ from Otis Mace. Support from Ducklingmonster.

CHRISTOPH EL TRUENTO + MANUEL BUNDY
Public Bar, $5
Apparently it was so nice last time, they are playing it twice. Jazz, hip hop, footwork and dub. El Truento was RECENTLY ADDED to the Best Live Acts tab in the Cringe Index!

CHARLI BRIX + QZB
Neck of the Woods, $35
South London D&B multi-hyphenate here for a vocal set. Also here: Swiss production duo, QZB. Support from Chiccoreli, Tali, Rhyas and Tide.

DON’T LET GO
Open, Free
A new R&B night at Open which will hopefully find a regular footing. CONFESSION: I designed the flyer for this. CONFESSION PART 2: I didn’t have a lot of time so I just used one I’d done years ago for it hoping that no one would notice but then I had to take off an R Kelly pic due to events in the gap between flyers and then that turned into a whole thing and by the time I was up to version 4 it’s clear that it would have been faster, as always, to have just done it properly. A lesson which I seem to need to relearn every year or two. Performing are DJs Marc, Vinnie and Leo. 

OLDBOY
Grey Lynn Library, Free
Park Chan-Wook’s masterpiece, playing for free at the library – register your seat/bean bag/bit of carpet via the link.

SATURDAY 28TH

2026 NZ BACKGAMMON CHAMPIONSHIP
+ Sunday, Auckland Bridge Club, $55
It’s the ACTUAL national champs, but anyone can enter. You’re guaranteed five matches no matter how garbage you are and you get to tell everyone that asks what you did this weekend that you were competing in the National Backgammon Championship. Clocks are mandatory and baffle boxes are preferred.

GEORGIA T HOOD & ATARANGI ANDERSON
Grace, Free
First show at Grace’s new space in Rationalist House up by the University. I could have sworn they weren’t reopening for ages but here they are!

SUNDAY 29TH

ROMANCE READERS BOOK CLUB #34
Chapter Book and Tea Shop, Free
This month we’re reading Viscount In Love by Eloisa James from the Accidental Brides Series. It has a ⅘ spice rating. WARNING: Child Abuse/Slavery (historical)/Misogyny. Water, Juice and Tea provided.

THURSDAY 2ND

BOLÉRO
Town Hall, From $50
Big night of French music as the Auckland Phil plays Ravel’s banger, Debussy’s Printemps, MIchael Norris’ Violin Concerto ‘Sama’ (composed for performing soloist Amalia Hall), and Fauré’s Masques et bergamasques and Pelléas et Mélisande: Sicilienne.

THE DRAMA
In Cinemas
Intense looking romantic dramedy about Robert Pattinson and Zendaya’s wedding plans getting derailed. QUICK FACT Robert Pattinson and Zendaya are both cast in three movies coming out this year — this, The Odyssey and Dune 3. I cannot think of another time when this has happened.