No Room at the Inn

Hello,

Last Friday night, we were turned away by four Auckland restaurants. In any other major metropolitan city, this would seem like an obvious eventuality; thinking you’d be seated right away as a walk-in on a weekend, even at 6pm, is a crazy expectation. However, we’ve been somewhat spoiled here, by Auckland’s general reluctance at participating in the joie de vivre. We really were so sure we could get into any place we wanted, not out of some misplaced arrogance as unknown newsletter publishers, but out of total pessimism about the vibrancy of our hospitality scene. We were roundly humbled.

However, after a bit of moaning, we decided that it felt kinda good to accumulate the rejections, a huge fat stack of them, because of what it meant. What it symbolised! People! Dining out! Drinking! Being merry! Isn’t that the sort of thing that we, as devoted advocates for our city, should be loudly celebrating? We ended up having a drink at TRUTH OR DARE on Snickel Lane (the Purple Paloma) and snacking on the rice-pop fried chicken, then moseying down to ADVIEH around 8pm. Despite sneaking in via a last minute online booking, they were so slammed that they had to make a table for us out on the balcony, where we spied on the BIKE PALS PRIDE RAVE, a procession of cyclists, down below. Auckland! It’s alive!

Writing this makes me already feel a little sad about leaving. And feel so far away. Luckily, Cringe will welcome a rotation of guest writers who will let you into a perspective that I cannot give – and open the scope of the newsletter. You might be hearing about different parts of Auckland. You could be brought into other subcultures, industries, communities, worlds. 

Our first guest writer will be next week. If you’re keen to contribute in a similar vein, please EMAIL THROUGH and let us know!

Love,
Jean

Sunday the Bakery is POPPING UP at Ferndale House, 830 New North Rd, Mt Albert on March 1st from 10am-12pm to celebrate the start of Autumn, with pastries you won’t find on the usual menu, including poached stonefruit tarts and jammie pink buns. 

Modern Indian restaurant CASSIA HAS ANNOUNCED it will be leaving its casino-adjacent digs at SkyCity and moving into a new central city home on the corner of Albert and Wyndham St. We were always bigger fans of its Fort St space, so let’s hope they can recapture some of that more intimate feel.

There’s a Sri Lankan food stall, KOLOMBO, at the Food City food court in Northcote, 6/10 Kilham Ave, described as “Sri Lankan soul food”, which is not new-new, but recently emerged for me as I saw it on Locavore Eats’ Instagram, who said, “Haven’t been shocked by portion size in a while, but Kolombo got our jaws dropping.” And if you’re in the Northcote Town Centre, give the Malaysian restaurant Taisumyun a try. It’s my parents favourite wat tan hor in the city!

There’s a Peter Gordon-coded KINA DEMONSTRATION AND CANAPE HOUR (as in, the recipes were created by Peter Gordon) on Sunday in the Eastern Viaduct. $50. 

And speaking of Peter Gordon, there’s a new all-day eatery, BRAVO, which looks like it’s opened up in the old Homeland space in the marina as part of Auckland’s most insanely named development, CRACKER BAY. The Instagram handle is literally @bravo.crackerbay. Looks like it is quite fish-forward and Denizen says it has a spacious room, but there is no evidence of it in the pics so far.

–

GOINGS

Raw slice pioneer Little Bird Kitchen is UP FOR SALE.

Goji in Commercial Bay never reopened after Christmas – according to Reddit, LIQUIDATED.

German restaurant Mittendrin in Avondale is CLOSING 1 MARCH. Question: Does this leave Der Metz as the only German place in town?

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WISHLIST

Three meals I’ll miss from Auckland.

Jeyuk-Bokkeum ssam from SSAMJANG 
I already know I’m going to miss Korean food so so much, and this is such a reliably tasty, filling plate of food: chilli-paste marinated pork belly, with an unmistakable grill flavour, layered in with rice and cradled in a cup of lettuce. Perfect for one!

Carnitas tacos from SAGRADO CANTINA
I have absolutely no faith that there are good tacos in the central Wellington region (I’ve already attempted a couple), and since these were previously one minute away from me, I will miss these a lot. The hot sauce is a NECESSITY.

Home-style chicken curry from TIMMUR NEPALESE & INDIAN CUISINE
I don’t know why but I just love the homey chicken curry from Timmur in Avondale a lot – something about it just gets my tastebuds revved the fuck up. This is pretty much the only thing I’ll order from Uber Eats because it’s far-ish from me. I usually get the jhol momo too, but it’s this chicken curry I go back for.

It’s tough for Auckland in an election year. The tussle for the affections of affluent suburbanites can throw up dubious proposals for the city, the sincerity of which may be suspect. Two such ill-conceived, short-termist changes were brought forward this week. The floated move-on orders for rough sleepers are a textbook example of treating the symptom rather than the cause. It’s not clear what it should be called, however, when those providing the treatment have at first actively inflamed the issue: the deep government cuts to housing support over the last year has made things substantially more acute. Still, good to see some class solidarity amongst the cruise ship set with the PM assuming his 'tough on crime’ stance on behalf of (pretend) visitors CHUCK AND MARY.

Relatedly, the campaign against making homes in Auckland more affordable secured an election build-up concession, with the theoretical upper bound of 2 million new homes under Plan Change 120 to be REDUCED TO 1.6 MILLION. Much like the idea of displacing people out of the city centre and, presumably, into the adjacent leafy suburbs, this may not be the victory the villa-philes intended. The reduction of capacity could well be further out, away from our fabulously expensive new infrastructure, leading to greater intensification right where they don’t want it. Be careful what you ask politicians for.
- Mike

By Simon

FRIDAY 27TH

GOOD CHARLOTTE, HIGHLY SUSPECT, YELLOWCARD & TADPOLE
Auckland Domain, $170
Laneway for older-millennials.

HEMI HEMINGWAY & THE SNOWFLAKES
Neck of the Woods, $26
Release show for Hemingway’s second album Wings of Desire which from what I can tell has that same sort of QUIET MENACE as the best late 80s pop. Support from Big Sur and Roy Irwin (solo set). 

THEIA
Whammy, $30
Debut album release show for Girl, In A Savage World which must be said is not hugely positive about the post-colonial experience so not a great place to go if you’re Don Brash and out looking for a chilled out kanikani.

BRIDGING THE 2 WORLDS
Parnell Hotel and Conference Centre, $65
Kerry-Marie from Sensing Murder on the Auckland stop of her national tour. It doesn’t say what the Two Worlds are, but it’s possible that one is this one, that we all live in together — the physical dimension, the mortal realm populated by living beings — and that the other is her bank account.

SATURDAY 28TH

ACES V NORTHERN DISTRICTS
Eden Park, Free
Plunket Shield season is upon us, so four day games, starting at 10:30am Saturday through Tuesday and all for free - an excellent place for our city’s homeless to go in these late summer months when they are moved on from town by the police’s new standing orders.

SUNDAY 1ST

BADBADNOTGOOD
Town Hall, $90
Canadian trio very much on the jazzy end of jazzy hip hop with a pretty good TINY DESK show.

TUESDAY 3RD

TOTAL ECLIPSE
Outside (weather permitting), Free
Go outside and look up for a Blood Moon around 9:45pm for this year’s only lunar eclipse.

WEDNESDAY 4TH

YOUNG SHERLOCK
Prime Video
Would be a fairly unremarkable ‘it’s this person but younger’ thing, in the vein of Young Indiana Jones, The Carrie Diaries or Gotham, but the episodes are directed by Guy Ritchie, it stars exciting nepo-prospect Hero Fiennes Tiffin (nephew of Ralph and Joseph) and has Joseph Fiennes and Colin Firth making appearances.

SMERZ
Double Whammy, $70
The thing Jean was the most visibly annoyed by while she was gearing up to move south was missing this show by Norwegian ‘retrofuturistic warehouse pop’ group Smerz. With Erny Belle (Duo).

THE PEOPLE’S ECONOMIST TOUR WITH GARY STEVENSON
Bruce Mason, $60
Author of The Trading Game here to tell us that we are being screwed over by modern capitalism and offering the tools to fight back! Meet and greet tickets are $258.95.

THURSDAY 5TH

AUCKLAND ARTS FESTIVAL
All over the place
It’s back! Take a look through the site - as usual there’s some good stuff, some freaky stuff, some stuff that was happening anyway that they’ve just sort of patched over and, of course, the Spiegeltent which they just cannot quit. We’re looking forward to seeing the big hovering sun, HELIOS in the Town Hall and the SHANGHAI SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

THE BRIDE!
In Cinemas
Horror/Romance/Drama/Musical retelling of the Bride of Frankenstein with Christian Bale and Jessie Buckley. Maggie Gyllenhaal directs. Seems like there have been no preview screenings or early reviews so it might be a little messy.  

THE MOMENT
In Cinemas
Mockumentary auto-fiction about Charlie XCX in the Brat era. Reviews suggest it’s really good if you are au fait with said Brat era but a bit bewildering otherwise. Another big performance by Alexander Skarsgard who seems to be having a lot of fun at the moment.