Stranger Danger.

Hello,

One thing you can’t really do in Auckland is walk towards the mountains. In Twizel, where I am currently writing from, there is a lot of landscape to breathe in, and you feel closer to the clouds. You are also always walking towards mountains here, which lends the walking a sense of higher purpose. I guess tourists in Tāmaki have the Sky Tower.

Aucklanders are usually very disparaging when it comes to considering our city as a tourist destination. If asked by an out-of-towner about the must-see sights and sounds, someone that lives here may say, “There’s nothing to do here”, or simply, “Don’t bother”. The other night, when it was pissing down with rain and the whole central city was turned down to low, we spotted tourists ambling out from their accommodation on Albert St, raincoats pulled tight around their skulls as they ventured to find some food amongst the empty streets (not a hyperbole; it was bleak). I felt bad for them and bad for Auckland, which would no doubt be shit-talked in their WeChat family group chat and perhaps become an inside joke for years to come.

Apparently, the hotel occupancy rate in Tāmaki was close to 100% last night, the rooms filled up with Metallica fans and attendees of the World Indigenous Peoples’ Conference on Education. Metalheads and teachers; I hope there are at least a handful of people participating in both. If this has reached you, I apologise about the humidity. Use the public transport – you can tap on with your credit card and don’t need to worry about buying another piece of plastic. Go to the beach. If you want to eat “New Zealand cuisine”, we don’t really know what that is either, so just get oysters somewhere. 

And, dear readers, if you see any of them wandering around, unsure what to do with themselves, offer a reassuring smile. If you’re unsure how to spot ‘em amongst the common folk: the teachers have brown lanyards and the Metallica fans have black tee shirts. Please look after them. We do not want to be shit-talked about in the group chat.

Love,
Jean

P.S. There’s no liquidation auction section this week but if you need a TV there’s a whole bunch HERE and the latest police auction is HERE. If you’re bored and waiting for lunch, it can be quite entertaining/horrifying to look through and try to work out how some of the items came to find themselves in police custody. 

OPENINGS AND CLOSINGS

The Duo, Osteria Uno and Bon Pinard people are continuing their Paradise-in-Sandringham-like takeover of Hinemoa St in Birkenhead with their latest, HINEMOA CELLAR, opening soon. And while we are on the topic, Duo is doing a supper club on Wednesdays and Thursday with a different menu every month, 3 courses for $60. Plus, Osteria Uno is offering $20 rigatoni on Tuesdays, variety revolving. 

There’s a new New York style PIZZA PLACE opening on Symonds St next to Heroes for Sale either called Kai Pizza or Pizza Kai depending on how you read the sign.

MUZZAS PIES have opened a second store in Birkenhead – 57 Birkenhead Ave in the Highbury shops near Broke Boy.

Pt Chev’s THE BREAKFAST CLUB have opened a second diabetes themed cafe under the same name in the Botany Town Centre.

As the bougie Faraday department store packs up and MOVES TO QUEEN ST, a new department store-esque pop-up called MARKET has appeared in the space it left behind. Parnell abhors a vacuum.

NEWS AND EVENTS

Cringe favourite KAJIKEN is turning two this weekend and has a two-for-one deal on all mains both Saturday and Sunday at both CBD and Newmarket locations.

There’s another MAKERS MARKET this weekend at Pah Homestead – Saturday, 10am-2pm. ‘Tis the season.

PUDDING MIT GABEL, apparently a Hot New German Trend is happening in Albert Park on Sunday from 1-4pm. Run by a group of German theatre kids, you're meant to bring some pudding and a fork to Albert Park so you can eat it (very slowly apparently) with a group of like-minded strudel enthusiasts. 

Sneaky Snacky has a new burger, YANGNYEOM CHICKEN which has a sweet, spicy red sauce and continues their recent habit of hanging a huge amount of the burger filling outside of the bun. Not for eating on the run.

The Viva Top 50 restaurants list IS OUT and they seemed to have captured the vibe shift away from diversity and plurality perfectly. Congratulations to all the very similar restaurants named.

DARK CLOUD

Most people reading this newsletter would be familiar with what I’m about to say, as I’ve more or less been speaking from the same playbook since 2019. But it’s 2025 now, and the point has perhaps become even more pertinent as our restaurant landscape continues to evolve: I personally think it’s unconscionable not to have a Chinese restaurant on a list representing the best of Auckland’s cuisine. It is one of the cuisines that Auckland does the best – a cuisine that is so clearly, obviously woven into the everyday fabric of how Aucklanders eat in 2025. You cannot walk five steps in a generous handful of Tāmaki’s suburbs (central city, Mt Eden, Albany, Botany, just to name a few) without hitting against a Chinese restaurant of some description. And it’s not just plentiful and regionally diverse – the various expressions of Chinese food in Auckland is genuinely good, technically complex, and actually interesting to eat.

This isn’t necessarily surprising from a man who said in a 2017 REVIEW, “Chinese is my least favourite style of food. It has various regional subtleties but honestly, the numbing properties of the Szechuan pepper don’t really make up for the amputational challenges of type-2 diabetes.” That was eight years ago, my guy – what about a little character growth? 

Overall, while a whole one-fifth of this list is Italian (or Italian-adjacent), it doesn’t have a single inclusion of a Chinese, Korean or Thai restaurant – just a few of the top cuisines we have in this godforsaken city. My favourite things to eat! It is somewhat annoying that this has thrown me into enough of a tizzy that I’m rolling out the Ethnic Food Writer carpet once again, but here I am. Once again. Talking my shit. Saying the same thing (literally) as I did in 2019. I’d kinda hoped to have outgrown it by now – or for things to have changed.

 – Jean

By Simon

FRIDAY 21ST

BEASTWARS — THE SHIP // THE SEA
Double Whammy, $40
Wellington metallers touring their sixth album which has an amazing cover painted by longtime collaborator and Weta studios bogan painter, Nick Keller.

SHAPE OF A MOUTH
Audio Foundation, $15
Ro Rushton Green plays saxophone and violin and sings while Hermione Johnson plays a prepared piano and ‘produces sound which travels through golden gossamer webs to discombobulating waves of crushed polar icicles’ so that should be quite a thing to behold. Support from Taekyung Seo & Rui Inaba + Stephen Bain & Kristian Larsen

KYRIST AND VISIONOBI
Mothership, $25
Jurist is a UK Drum and Bass Producer/DJ and Visionobi is a DJ/MC with an ‘infectiously pulsating flow’ and it’s likely he’s here to remind us that the jungle is massive. Support from Chiccoreli and NoSpeak. 

ROSSI
Neck of the Woods, $35
Touring from London, finally some good, minimal tech-house. There’s a pretty good preview HERE from seven months ago at Mixmag Lab. Support from Vitamin Cos, Traction Lizard and Orchard Collective.

SATURDAY 22ND

GREY LYNN PARK FESTIVAL
Grey Lynn Park, Free
Stalls, local freaks and music – this year includes Voom and ‘Pacific neo-psychadelica’ band Leao. Looks like the weather might be okay.

POLLYWOOD PASIFIKA FILM 23
Auckland Art Gallery, Free
Six new short films by Pasifika film makers followed by a Q+A with director Craig Fasi and whoever can make it along from the six shorts. 

THE ORIGINAL WAILERS
Powerstation, $95
I have never heard of a band going on the road to celebrate the anniversary of a greatest hits album, but here they are for the 40th anniversary of Legend. 

FROG WERLD
Neck of the Woods, $20
Looks like a ‘weird in the good way’ alt-dance night. With Frog Chaser (Aus), Left Hand Loz, DJ Bax, DJ Sweat B2B Dishwasher & Basspunk B2B Lerm.

MUSIC FIRST: GE-OLOGY
Goblin, $20
Eclectic and impressively résuméd NYC producer/DJ. Support from Carlotta and Strange Arrangement. Book ahead and get there before 10:30 to avoid being stuck in the shame queue outside.

SUNDAY 23RD

TOOL
Spark Arena, $229
There are metal bands as far as the eye can see at the moment and I’m struggling to understand why. Also a mystery, why does this cost $80 more than Metallica AND Evanescence AND Suicidal Tendencies last night?

PUNKS FOR PROGRESS
Double Whammy, $50
Fundraising show for Rights Aotearoa and the City Mission with Alternative Facts, The Bright Ideas, Scream by Tulips, Lipstick Cherry and Trepidations all playing full sets alongside a punk rock bake sale and the purest punk mainstay of all, a vegan sausage sizzle.

MONDAY 24TH

PIXIES
And Sunday, Town Hall, $100
They’re playing Bossanova and Tromp Le Monde on Sunday and a cross catalogue set on Monday (including songs from Doolittle and Surfer Rosa which will be great but also ‘new songs’) so it’s a complicated choice. I guess you can always just go to the bar if the new stuff is not to your taste and Doolittle is my favourite so it’s the Monday show for me.

TUESDAY 25TH

BOTTOM SURGERY
Basement, From $17
A one-woman, semi-autobiographical show from Lily Catastrophe about her either getting gender reassignment surgery or a BBL. From the programme notes it could be either. Apparently raunchy so maybe leave the kids at home, especially if they don’t like trans stuff.

WEDNESDAY 26TH

NGĀ TAE WHATU — WOVEN DREAMS
Tim Melville, Free
Joint show opening from Pacific Sisters artists Nephi Tupaea (big, colourful koru-laden canvases) and the great Ani O’Neill (doilies).

THURSDAY 27TH

WHIPPING STAR + NA’AMAH CHEIBAN & CHELSEA PRASITI
The Apartment, $20
‘Improvised-adjacent music that sits in-between genres’ — this could literally be anything so a good mysterious night out for a Wednesday at an equally mysterious new venue that looks like it is above the Flying Nun store on Krd.

DIE MY LOVE
In Cinemas
A study in postpartum depression by Lynne Ramsay (You Were Never Really Here) starring Jennifer Lawrence (The Hunger Games) and Robert Pattinson (Twilight). Looks to have been cast by a lunatic Gen Z fanfic aficionado.

WAKE UP DEAD MAN: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY
In Cinemas
A quick cinema run for the latest in the Benoit Blanc detective series. Rian Johnson returns to direct and Daniel Craig returns to star. These showy whodunnits always get such amazing supporting casts (see Only Murders In The Building) — in this instance: Glenn Close, Josh Brolin, Mila Kunis, Jeremy Renner, Kerry Washington, Andrew Scott, Thomas Hayden Church, Jeffrey Wright and more!