The Ice Creams of Ponsonby Road.

This week, I am going to rank the ice cream shops on Ponsonby Rd. Isn’t it very ridiculous how many ice cream shops are near one another, on a concentrated strip, in a suburb such as Ponsonby, that simply cannot contain that many ice cream consumers? When I heard that Little ‘Lato and Island Gelato had entered the scene, and then Movenpick after that (I think that was the sequence of events), my little brain truly could not take it. I thought I was hallucinating the Movenpick sign. I remember driving past it, in the passenger seat, catching a glimpse of the sign on the left hand side, and yelling, “What the fuck!”

To back up a bit – Ponsonby Rd is home to six ice cream shops: Duck Island, Island Gelato, Little Lato, Movenpick, Ben & Jerry’s, and Boozylato. I regret to inform you that I cannot rank Boozylato, due to fact I’ve never tried it – not because I’m a snob, but because I simply cannot drink and also am semi-lactose intolerant. So it seemed like a recipe for disaster.

This ranking is both subjective and scientific. I will not explain further.

1.
Little ‘Lato
Little ‘Lato has the most consistently experimental flavours, from Porridge & Brown Sugar to Cheese & Crackers to Peanut Butter Kimchi – there’s always something weird nestling amongst the hazelnuts and pistachios. I dig that. Plus, they use a paddle to scoop their gelato, just like in Italy. That’s more of a pretentious preference.

2.
Duck Island
My friend Kimberley, who makes ice cream under SIDE SCOOP, has witnessed me get a scoop of the Coffee Chocolate Rubble many a time, much to her chagrin. (“Wow, you really love that flavour…”) Sue me! The main reason why Duck Island is not number one is because they name their kids scoop “Tiddler”, and I hate saying, “Can I please get a tiddler of the Coffee Chocolate Rubble, please”.

3.
Ben & Jerry’s
I am a simple gal with a simple love of what I think are the Ben & Jerry classics: Phish Food, Coffee Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz and The Tonight Dough. Plus, DID YOU KNOW ITS COFOUNDERS are outspoken supporters of Palestine?

4.
Movenpick
An absolute Swiss Chocolate apologist.

5.
Island Gelato
This placement on Island Gelato’s list is less to do with its gelato, which is pretty good, and more to do with a personal grudge. Not too long ago, I was given a $50 voucher from my place of business. A nice little treat. After dinner with friends, I had heroically announced to everyone that I would shout them all ice cream. Thinking that it was free, all my friends got double scoops – one even got a topping (a rare indulgence that most people would not usually dare to order). When I got to the counter, with our ice creams already scooped, the girl declared that the gift card system was down and she would not be able to use my gift card. What? I said. Like, down now, or down forever? Oh, just down today. Sorry. Dunno why. I had to meekly get my Visa Debit out and buy everyone ice cream anyway, with my own money, because I said I would. A complete disaster.

Love,
Jean

P.S. I’m speaking on a panel next week alongside other people who are cooler than me (Grayson Goffe, Katty Atafu-Mayo, Halfqueen) about why I’m still in Auckland. Held at Open Late – Charlotte Ryan is hosting. $10 TICKETS FROM EVENTBRITE.

A new Teppanyaki & Takoyaki bar called “TAIKIN” is going into central city’s The Strand Arcade soon, opening opposite a new bakery (which I’m going to guess is of some sort of Asian variety without having any other information). They join Slow Koi (brew bar) and Hi Toastie (coffee + toasties owned by the same people as Slow Koi) and Addis (Ethiopian food) in a growing rejuvenation of the arcade, which I can only assume is offering up very competitive rents. Edit: Addis looks closed now, so perhaps my theory about the city does not hold up.

The city centre is hard – are people still hanging out together after work, or do we all hate our colleagues now? – and that mid-city area around Elliot St makes me so sad, especially going past the bubble tea/juice place opposite The Warehouse, that gets me going every time for some reason, but I am optimistic about the Strand Arcade and all the evidence that cool shit is popping up. A couple weeks ago, I visited the new vintage store Episode, which is full of designer goods from brands like Yohji and Moschino and Margiela. Not an edible tidbit, but thematically relevant.

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Broke Boy Taco got EXTREMELY BAD PRESS in the Herald, apparently threatening Taco Amaiz with legal action because of its similarity to Broke Boy, especially in its marketing of birria tacos. In a sentence so good I had a physical reaction when I read it, the story says, “Taco Amaiz owner Alfredo Romero, who grew up in the Mexican region of Sonora, where he says beef birria tacos hail from, said he was “shocked”. Apparently the owner of Broke Boy now regrets sending the letter before talking to him first.

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It’s Restaurant Awards season, and in the last month or so three publications have released their list: CUISINE, DENIZEN and Metro (although Metro are yet to release the Top 50 online yet, I’ve been seeing restaurants post Instagram stories celebrating their inclusion, and the real life event is on the 22 September). Just my 2C: When a list has over 300 restaurants on it, it becomes a bit meaningless – an inclusionary exercise that fails to properly celebrate anyone, and causes the general public to not really believe in it. 

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FAMOUS EDDY, of food truck pasta/steak/fried chicken fame, has opened in a permanent spot 236/238 Dominion Rd; the opening of MOTHER, from the guys behind Lilian + baker Petra Galler seems to be imminent, and going by their MO they’ll open randomly one day without announcing it; Namu Group have opened like their millionth new restaurant, using the second Candy Shop space next to Duck Island as a “pan Asian noodle soup” called GUKSU SHOP 88 at night, and here’s some intel from my mum that Italian restaurant San Marco has closed in Glenfield, and the owner of coffee spots Brick + Stroller + Seoul Roastery 1946 is opening a charcoal BBQ place there instead. Money money money.

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/AUCKLANDEATS ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

FRIDAY

CULTURE
Il Brutto, $17
A new House/UKG Auckland DJ collective launches! Features the newly engaged Julian Dennison from Hunt for the Wilderpeople!

HIGHEST 2 LOWEST
Apple TV
Quite a lot of press around for this latest stop on the Denzel Washington goodbye tour, and his last collaboration with Spike Lee, straight to streaming from Apple which is a bit of a shame, especially given the theatrical success of F1. A ‘reinterpretation’ of Kurosawa’s High and Low set in the business of rap. 

THE PAPER
TVNZ+
A slowly gestated spinoff of The Office (US). Some mucking around with the episode release schedule suggests it might not be that good. Stars Domhnall Gleason who I have never found funny in anything.

SATURDAY

LO-FI
Victoria Park Glengarrys, $35
A wine tasting hosted by Glengarrys where you can meet basically every natural winemaker in this country that has a cool illustration on their bottle (from Amoise to Brood Fermentation to Bryterlater to Pyramid Valley), and also eat food by SOMEPLACE SOMEWHERE. They’re doing yakitori!

BIC RUNGA WITH AUCKLAND PHIL
Aotea Centre, From $30
Personally I’m all for the rebranding of the Auckland Philharmonia but I do think it reads better as ‘The Auckland Phil’ rather than just ‘Auckland Phil’ which is very reminiscent of THIS GUY.

BEET-WIX, PARADOX PRINCESS, TELMAR
Audio Foundation, $15
Beet-wix makes noisy-pop ballads on a Nintendo DS stolen from the Ōtepoti art school, Paradox Princess is a trans artist making punk/hip hop songs about queer liberation in ‘intense performances of a one girl party’ and it says here that Telmar is a ‘solo musical project of visual artist Hannah Berry’ who needs to try a bit harder in her bio writing.

INCREDIBLE YACHT CONTROL W/ MALI MALI & RODNEY FISHER
MoveSpace, $10
Album release show for the best named band of the weekend.

NETSKY 
Trusts Arena, $79
Dan Carter’s favourite Belgian DnB DJ returns again.

COKI
Neck of the Woods, $30
UK dubstep pioneer with an amazingly written blurb, I’m assuming courtesy of gig promoter SYLC, which not only claims Coki has ‘sine waves move like no other, architecting much of the sonic blueprint that modern dubstep - especially Tearout - has become evolved into.’ and goes on to warn that he is coming here for ‘pure low-frequency warfare’. Everyone, hold on to your hats!

SUNDAY

JOHANNA COSGROVE PERFORMS SWEETIE
Goblin, $15
Jean’s favourite local podcaster is performing her show, Sweetie for the purposes of a live taping. Go and get yourself recorded accidentally saying something loud in a quiet bit for posterity.

MONDAY

TASK
Neon
Very good promo trailers for this Philadelphia-set, crime mini series starring Mark Ruffalo from the creator of the good but bummerish Mare of Easttown.

TUESDAY

ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING SEASON 5
Disney+
Celebrity drop-in centre whodunnit adds Logan Lerman, Christoph Waltz, Renée Zellweger, Dianne Wiest, Bobby Cannavale, Beanie Feldstein, Keegan-Michael Key and Téa Leoni to it’s already stacked cast for season 5.


WEDNESDAY

ILL NINO + ADEMA
Tuning Fork, $94.95
Latin Metal with a Korn-esque physical appearance.

THURSDAY

FROM SCRATCH
Kāhui St Davids, $58.38
I’m not sure this is really anyone’s cup of tea these days but Phil Dadson is 79 years old now so there might not be that many more chances to see this pioneering, very NZish avant garde music ensemble.