The Voice of the People.

Hi all,

Jean’s away this week so, apologies in advance. 

LOCAL ELECTION VOTING ends at noon on Saturday. No doubt you, as someone interested in the highs and lows of the city, are among the 18% of registered voters who so far have chosen representatives from the collection of otherwise-unemployable people on offer – a turnout that is down from both 2022 and 2019. 

While voting is ongoing there’s a lot being worked through council at the moment. Perhaps we could take this opportunity to try and rid ourselves of A FEW PARTICULAR COUNCILLORS who, in the face of a plan that proposed denser housing along transport routes, either genuinely don’t understand the difference between enabling capacity for two million homes and the market actually deciding to build them, or are pretending to their anxious CRL-adjacent constituents that they don’t. Less of this proto-populist fact-twisting would be nice but in fairness, doesn’t really align with the recipe for modern political success. There’s places to drop your voting papers all over the place – including most supermarkets.

Secondly and unrelatedly, yes the movies are expensive, but they feel less so when you have the whole place basically to yourself as we have the last few times we’ve been at the Event Cinemas/IMAX in the city. It’s unclear how long they can keep this up for so get in there while you still can.

Take care!
The Cringe Interns

ETERNAL COFFEE is popping up at Mowai Espresso in Grey Lynn for the next four weekends from this Saturday.

A welcome smokey addition to the central city, NAVAT UYGHUR CUISINE is opening next Thursday at 47 High St (I’m guessing in the space in front of BannSang).

The most beloved fast food deal of them all, the GIMME5, is back but closes Monday – 5 pieces of original recipe and chips at KFC for $11.99 with the code PLU12.

Australia’s “premium Greek Donuts”, LUKUMADES, are opening today in Newmarket. They sort of look like donut holes and come in the contemporary set of sweet flavours - choc/pistachio (which is EVERYWHERE now because of the Dubai chocolate thing but just does not seem like that good of a combination to me), biscoff, choc hazelnut etc. It looks like they are in the block by Movenpick across the road from Freedom.

Cazador is listing Neudorf wines on its menu and to celebrate, Rosie from Neudorf will be there next THURSDAY NIGHT with some vintage wines, food pairings and stories. The main course is roast duck with pomegranate. $70pp.

If, like me you have been standing in front of the tiny Irradiated Vietnamese Limes that are at Woolworths at the moment, wondering whether to risk it or not - they are quite sweet, don’t have much juice in them and Irradiated means what you think it means and it’s apparently safe and has been legal for a couple of years.

Items of note in the various liquidation auctions of our two speed recovery.

This week the massive Kitchen Things Auckland stores liquidation has COME ONLINE. There are nearly 3000 lots, so to help navigate it we have Jean’s ATE ATE ATE co-host and reigning NZ Masterchef, Sam Low, here to pick his 5 favourite things. The auction starts closing on Monday night and as far as I can tell it’s mostly shop demo stuff and the warranties are likely void. 

NEFF 6-PIECE COOKWARE SET
Current bid $291
I actually own this set and it’s… chef’s kiss. It’s heavy, sexy, and cooks very well. You could buy another sad $20 Kmart pan that warps faster than your will to cook… or you could snag this $1,500 RRP Neff cookware set for hopefully somewhere under $500.

LG 642L FRENCH DOOR FRIDGE (INSTAVIEW EDITION)
Current bid $1,450
I’ve never had the space or the tax bracket for a fridge this bougie. Double doors, inbuilt water and ice dispenser, and a window so you can humblebrag your homemade condiments like a performative home cook on TikTok Live. This isn’t on my wishlist for the fridge but for the lifestyle that comes with having it.

SMEG DOLCE STIL NOVO BUILT-IN BLAST CHILLER
Current bid $40
I’ve never been to a house with a built-in blast chiller, and honestly? The idea is kind of erotic. It’s completely unnecessary, outrageously extra, and I love it. When I was on MasterChef, the blast chiller was my ride-or-die: cooled sauces, dried proteins etc. Once you’ve chilled fast, you can’t go back.

ASKO GAS COOKTOP WITH WOK BURNER
Current bid $510
Nothing turns me on more than a gas hob with a dedicated wok burner. Maybe I’m biased, as author of Modern Chinese and all… but that blue flame speaks to something ancestral. It’s fast, it’s fiery, it’s functional. In a world of induction stoves and performative foodies, this is real cooking energy, hot, hard to handle and deeply cultural.

USED PIZZA STONE
Current bid $10
When I saw this, I did a double take… who sells a used pizza stone? But honestly, it’s kind of romantic. Like thrift shopping, a pizza stone should have history, scars, memory. It’s spiritual, like a sourdough starter you inherit from someone else’s kitchen. And in this cost-of-living era, homemade pizza nights just hit different… hotter, cheaper, and way more intimate.

Editor’s note from Jean: Someone start a dating app matching lonely singles with kitchen appliances because it seems there is a market for it.

FRIDAY 10TH

WYNN HAMLYN SAMPLE SALE
90 Anzac Ave, Free unless you buy something
Potential fashionable bargains. 10am-6pm Sat/Sun.

THE WOMAN IN CABIN 10
Netflix
Keira Knightley plays a journalist on a yacht who witnesses someone getting thrown overboard at night but the next day everyone is accounted for! Feels like Agatha Christie meets The Girl on the Train. Based on the Ruth Ware bestseller. Also stars Guy Pierce who, let’s be honest, is probably the killer.

HUIA KAWAKAWA ALBUM RELEASE 
Whammy, $23 (includes a copy of the album)
Te Reo Electronic Dance/World Music album release from Kog. With HUIA, Mokotron, Baitercell, Rei, Just2Māori, Uncles (Plastic Pounamu x Swizl Jager x Rei) and Andrew Manning. Kai from 8pm. 

YT
Neck of the Woods, $39
English rapper with a million monthly listeners and who has to be regretting choosing a name that returns YouTube as a search result. WARNING: EARLY 7:00pm - 10:00pm

FONZO
Neck of the Woods, $20
On directly after the YT show in what must be an attempted resolution to a double booking situation. If you and go hide in the bathroom or something while they turn the venue over you could potentially get to see this touring UK garage act for free. 

MS DSF
Crown Nightclub, $20
A touring Nigerian actress, TV presenter and, more importantly here, Afrobeat DJ. Likely to be a lot of fun and a good chance to check out this nightclub which has been set up in the old unemployment office near the top of Queen St — the very same MSD office where my friend Pete was the first person ever to pick a rectangle as their favourite shape in an early jobseeker programme. 

SATURDAY 11TH

DIWALI
Saturday/Sunday, Aotea Square, Free
Always pretty good.

O/PUS LP RELEASE PARTY
Audio Foundation, $15
This has been explained to me as ‘noisy weirdo stuff’ and serves here as a nice chance to say best of luck to Sam Wieck who is playing guitar with support act Roy Irwin at this show and who finishes his stint as the best-ever art director of Metro magazine tomorrow. 

ALLEYWAY 3
Mercury Lane Alleyway, $15
Sulfate and Stud Finder (previous winners of the Cringe Band Name of the Week) play outside in the slightly unsettling Mercury Lane Alleyway. If you pay an extra $10 at the gate you get a raffle ticket with proceeds going to Palestine but it’s not clear exactly what the prize is, apart from doing good.

THEO MACDONALD AND PAIGE JANSEN
RM, Free
Last chance to see Paige Jansen’s 'a box for all the things i’ll never learn' and Theo Macdonald’s 'The Oshima Gang' in special low-light conditions at RM before they come down, with light refreshments from 7-10:30.

WEDNESDAY 15TH

"A (IM) POSSIBLE RELEVANCE" : THE COLLECTION OF MAL AND LIZZIE BROW
Art+Object, Free
We don’t normally put auction previews here but this really is a very good collection of occasionally weird-in-the-good-way Australasian art and we’re looking forward to seeing it all together before it gets broken up. Also, free drinks.

THURSDAY 16TH

BALLAD OF A SMALL PLAYER
In Cinemas
Colin Farrell, Tilda Swinton and Fala Chen in a gambling movie set in Macau by Edward Berger (Conclave, All Quiet on the Western Front). Should be a bit tense but loaded with satisfying visuals from cinematographer James Friend.

OPEN LATE: LOUISE BOURGEOIS
Auckland Art Gallery, Free
A chance to see this selection of largely sculptural works lent from an unnamed private collection which span an astonishing 65 years of family-trauma inspired productivity from 1945 to 2010. The persistence alone is impressive, and the artist’s video monologue from the early 1980s provides insight into Bourgeois’ truly bourgeois upbringing in the Parisian suburbs during and after the First World War(!) that was the trigger for it all. If you go along to this open late version (starts at 6pm) you can also see a talk, eat at food trucks, listen to music from Scarlett and Isla Moon (who people seem to be talking about a lot lately) and more!